The Power of Patience

When we talk about patience, what comes to mind is, waiting-annoyance-not getting what you want. In fact, it almost always comes with that frustrating phrase, ‘be patient.’ That's not always what you want to hear. Sometimes you want what you want right now at this minute and you do not want to wait. But you are in control of your patience.  You are in control of how you use patience to create ultimate outcomes…and perfect endings. 

Wisdom and Chocolate is a common sense approach to Mindset Development, Self Empowerment, and Happiness. The real transformation in life begins with Celebration….so grab your coffee and chocolate…It’s time to Celebrate You!

Highlights:

Lessons From The Restaurant

The Corporate Career vs The Entrepreneur 

Be Proactive

Check out www.BetsDanko.Com to get more information on blogs, podcasts, courses, and monthly memberships.

facebook.com/betsdanko

instagram.com/betsdanko

Linkedin.com/in/betsdanko

twitter.com/betsdanko

Looking for daily support and motivation?  Sign up for Energié Daily and put your personal success first!

https://www.betsdanko.com/products/energie-daily

Start your Free Trial at Kajabi today! 

https://app.kajabi.com/r/xgbNi7Yc/t/ml6ib4cv

Transcript

Unknown: 0:03

It's time to combine a guilty little pleasure with a new healthy habit. Kick up your feet and listen in. This is wisdom and chocolate.

Bets Danko: 0:13

This is bets Danko, and you are listening to wisdom and chocolate. Today we're going to talk about patience. And I know that I've spoken about this before, but it's one of those really special things that when you know how to harness it and use it in your favor, it can be such a blessing. So when we talk about patience, a lot of times, what comes to mind is waiting annoyance. You know, not getting what you want. In fact, it almost always comes with this flavor of somebody saying to you, be patient. And that's not always what you want to hear. Sometimes you want what you want right now at this minute and you do not want to wait. Am I right? Of course, I'm right. I'm human. We all experience these things now. I've had this thing happening to me recently, which actually it's not so it's kind of like the last couple years, but it's gotten, like, really ramped up recently, and that is every time I go to the restaurant, any restaurant I say the restaurant is, if there's only one, but no, no matter where I go, there's a problem with my order. And I'm sure you can tell by listening to me, I can be pretty direct, like I know exactly what I want, and I'm very specific. I've got dietary needs that have to be met and and, so why? You know, dance around a subject. I tell people exactly what I need, and I'm very brief. And if it seems like it's going to be complicated, like I'm asking for too much, I just don't ask for that too much. When I want to be super complicated, eat at home. Make it myself, right? But when you go to a restaurant, there's somebody in the back there making your food, and they're very good at what they do, or at least, you hope that they're very good at what they do. So having them change up the recipe when that's their specialty just to meet your needs isn't always super helpful, and can be complicated. So you follow what I'm saying. When I'm at home, I'm a little bit more specific, or I'm a little bit more careful. We'll put it that way in what it is that I put in my food. But when I go to restaurants, I might tweak something ever so slightly, like I need a gluten free bun on that hamburger. Like it's ever so slightly follow me, and then the hamburger will come back and it's raw. It's got things on it. I didn't ask for there's a gluten free bun. I don't get my dinner salad. Like there's, there's always something. And it seems like it's getting to the point where it's multiple somethings every single time I order. Now, to be totally honest with you, at the beginning, when this started happening regularly, I was a little annoyed. It's, you know, if your food comes to the table with everybody else's and yours is wrong, then everybody's eating without you, and then everybody has to wait for you to finish. So there's an inconvenience thing there. And also, when you're with people, you're you're doing this to communicate, have a good time, interact with one another over this meal. So when you are not in the same place as everyone else because your order isn't correct, it makes things a little less fun. Makes things a little more complicated in the way that you're communicating across the table. So initially I would get really frustrated. Oh my gosh, what? I swear I said that, and then you go to all the people at the table, didn't I say this? Didn't I say this? Like, didn't I ask for the gluten free bun? Didn't I say that I needed it medium well. Like, didn't I specify this? And of course, everybody would say yes, and it was never that I was ambiguous in what it was that I was asking for. It was never that I wasn't clear in why I needed those things. I was always very specific. And most of the time, the people who were waiting on us would repeat back the things that I said, so you would think that they knew what it was I was asking for. Now I said I used to get frustrated, and it's true, it would be more so early on when this was happening regularly. Because to be honest with you, everybody has it happen every once in a while, like, you know, a waiter or waitress can have a rough day, or they're just really frazzled and they forget to write something down, or maybe the cook is really overworked and so they don't get things done correctly. And there can be all. Different reasons. So we've all had it happen, and how we react really defines who we are as people, and it defines how the rest of our night is going to be. So it's not just about the people around us. It's about us as well. What we do, how we react, what we say, does affect I've been out of town a lot. I've been to retreats. I've been seeing family. There have been a lot of things that have been going on where I have to go, you know, an hour and a half here, six and a half hours there, and so I've eaten out a lot, and I kid you not, every single time there's an issue with the order, even if I order it exactly the way it is on the menu, it still comes and it's wrong. And the other night, just two nights ago, I went out to dinner with extended family, and I ordered a salad, and the waitress, she said back to me, okay, so you don't want the croutons and you do want Italian dressing? Yes, thank you, please. And everybody else's salad came, and mine didn't, and I didn't say anything. I just remained silent, because inside it was sort of this, wow. I used to get really angry about this. I would get really frustrated about this, and it would sort of ruin my whole evening, but, you know, they're eating salad, and yeah, I'm really hungry, but I know that my hamburger will show up. And you know, I'm having this internal dialog where I'm acknowledging that I'm actually okay. I don't need to be eating at the same time everybody else is I don't need everything to be perfect. I don't need to be setting myself for up for a really angry night. What I need is to keep my cool, to stay patient, to give some grace, even though I don't know what is going on in the back with the cooks in the front end with like the person who is serving us. I don't know what's going on. I don't know the story, and I'm not having a personal relationship with them, so it's not my place to ask. All I can do is either say, at this moment, may I have my salad please, or kind of go, Hmm, I'm going to bask in this moment. I'm going to see what's going on inside of my mind. And I chose the latter. And then, of course, eventually something needed to be said, which was, we did order this salad. It didn't come so please don't put it on the bill. Eventually something was said, but the patience paid off. The patience allowed me space to remain happy. The patience that I showed allowed me opportunity to project compassion and grace without even knowing what was going on with the people who were preparing my food. See, we don't always need to know the reason in order to give compassion and grace. In fact, I believe giving compassion and grace should be something that happens all the time, whether or not there should be a reason, and maybe there was no reason. In fact, the waitress said to me, oh my gosh, I literally just forgot to write your salad down, and all I can do is do what I'm doing right now is laugh. What can you do? Get angry. It's already done, and she felt bad and she apologized. So why get upset? You follow what I'm saying when we choose to have a more pleasant outlook on life the whole rest of our day, or the whole rest of our week, becomes more pleasant as well. When we choose to not latch on to negative reactions or negative speech patterns, then we end up being happier. I see all the time now, on the news, on social media, people just yelling at one another, like literal video of people just yelling hatred at one another without even thinking about what it is that they're saying. In fact, a lot of times they're pointing a finger, saying, you're doing this, you're doing that, and literally, in the video, they're doing the exact same thing. And you know, there are times when that's frustrating, and I get sort of upset, because I just want people to get along right, but they're making a choice. They're making a choice to be unhappy, to be angry, to be violent, sometimes to lash out at other people. And remember this, people hate most in other people, the things they hate most about themselves. Whoa. In fact, I think it's actually people hate in other people, the things they dislike about themselves, right? But you can take it as far as hatred, but think about that a second most of the time when people are last. Out, there's something about themselves they're not happy with, and almost always, it's somewhere along the same vein as what it is they're complaining about. So when you have self acceptance, when you care about yourself more, when you're willing to back yourself up with positivity and with facts, when you're willing to put yourself in that position. You are happier. You allow yourself the space and the time to be happy. So why not choose that right now when patience doesn't serve you? Because I'm sure there are people out there right now going, Well, wait a minute. That doesn't always work, and I know this sometimes patience doesn't serve you. Like I had an acquaintance who worked at one of the studios in Hollywood, and I met her for lunch one day, and we had just been communicating on the telephone because we had similar jobs. I was working at a vendor, and she was at the studio, and so we decided we would get to know one another and maybe take this friendship into the friendship realm, like, Let's get together for lunch, let's hang out every once in a while, right? And so this was our first meeting in person, and during the conversation, she says to me that she doesn't know when she'll get married. She's been dating this guy for six years, and she's been living with him for four and she's thinking that maybe he's not serious. And I'm sorry to laugh, but it's like, yeah, dude's not serious, man, six years in and you've been living with him for four years, why get married he's already got you, like, what? Why are you doing that? But she was living in a state of constant Patience, patience until he came around, patience until he declared his love for her by saying, Let's get married. She was living in patience, but because nothing was ever going to come from that, that patience was also leaving her in a place of pain. It was leaving her in a place of feeling less than she didn't feel like she was worth sort of demanding there be a decision, whatever the decision may be. And here's the thing, when you're not ready to ask for the decision and and you don't want to hear what the response is, then you're not ready to hear it. But that should tell you something. If you're not ready to hear it, then there's a pretty good chance that they're about to tell you, you know what? Yeah, this isn't working, and I'm not going to marry you, so you got to love yourself a little bit more. The patience should be something that is given in moments when you know that eventually what is coming to you is going to come. Patience does not serve you when you're giving it constantly and never getting a return. So when it comes to chocolate, which that's part of the title of the show, right? So we try to talk about chocolate in every show. When it comes to chocolate, sometimes we are giving ourselves a huge amount of patience until we have the opportunity to get to the store to buy a healthy chocolate, right? It's sometimes easier to find a not so healthy chocolate. So you've got to have patience until you get to a store that actually sells the healthier kinds. But then there are also kinds that may or may not be healthy. You don't really know, but there's one element of them you know positively isn't so great for you. So if you want to keep eating it, you need to space it out like tiny little bit at one time you wait like a week before you have another and so patience is like your middle name. You want to savor it, to experience it, have it just, you know, super yummy for a long time. And you have to have patience so that you don't get yourself sick. And so let me talk to you about what chocolate. This is the Ritter Sport. And this particular chocolate was brought to me from Germany, and so the whole label is in German. I have no idea what it says, except that the title of the chocolate. Chocolate is ALP milk. And so obviously it's a milk chocolate, like, milk is in the name, right? And when you look at the picture, it obviously is a milk chocolate. And I really wanted to taste it. I mean, it was brought to me. It was gifted to me. And I do this podcast, so I should at least taste it. But I'm sensitive to milk. So I had one teeny little bite, like, super teeny, and went, Oh my gosh, that is so good. I knew I couldn't have more. I knew I had to wait. And I literally waited a week, and then had another teeny, tiny bite, and that chocolate bar just lasted. I don't even know how long it was, a really long time, because. But I wanted to savor it. And honestly, she brought me a whole other chocolate bar at the same time, and that one was gone, like in record time, but this one, I knew I needed to take my time. Sometimes some of the best stuff takes time to savor. Sometimes you need to show restraint rather than demanding that you get what you want right now, because in the long run, it's healthier for you to wait. So we want to talk a little bit about patience and wisdom, and when it comes to valuing yourself, when things are just not right, this is where wisdom comes into play, just like the story I was just telling you about the woman who is in the relationship for six years. I have met so many people in this position. I'm in this great relationship. This person says they want to marry me, but now they're saying they're too young. Or, you know, they need to get their degree first, or they need to make their first million or all sorts of excuses for why, you know, as if, when marriage happens, all life stops, and it is always super baffling to me, because just saying you're not ready is Cool. Why the excuses? Why the nonsensical excuses, right? I love you. I'm not ready to commit to you on that level. Cool. Don't move in together. Like moving in together is marriage without a license or or a certificate. Okay? It's the same thing, but without the the commitment on paper. So don't give the excuses. I don't want to be married right now, but I do want to live with you cool, make it clear, be direct, and that way, if you're on the receiving end of something like that, you can make a stronger decision. Is this? What I want do I want to live with this person? Do I want to be sort of tried on, like a pair of pants or or try it out, like a test drive on a car? Do it? Do I want to be somebody who is just sort of there for now, knowing that it's not going anywhere, like you need to make that choice for yourself and then own it? Yeah, I'm cool with that. I'm actually cool with that, because I don't think I want to commit for my life, but I'm having a good time now. Make the decision with honest facts. Know exactly what it is that you want and you need, and put wisdom in the middle of all of that, if your choice gives you the opportunity to be more fulfilled, to feel better about yourself, to be uplifted, to feel empowered, then go for it in the same you know, we don't have to talk about relationships here, but we could talk about the, you know, working in the corporate world, working yourself up the corporate ladder. As opposed to being an entrepreneur, an entrepreneur has more control over their hours, what it is they're going to do, and how they're going to do it. When you're working in the corporate world, a lot of times you have a boss, or you are the boss, and there are rules, and you have to be at your desk at a certain time, and lunches at a certain time, and you have to be at your desk, you know, for a certain amount of time during the day, you don't get to leave until five or six or seven, depending on your job, right? And so the rules many times, are what people go I don't deal well with rules. I don't deal well with a boss. I want to be my own boss. I want to, you know, make up my own schedule. I want to make up my own mind when I'm going to be at my desk, and when I'm going to go to lunch, right? I'm going to set my own appointments to fit my schedule. And when you're looking at these two examples, patience comes into play when it's the corporate world, because you're working up a ladder, hopefully, hopefully you're at a company where you can work your way up, because as you work your way up, you make more money, you get more responsibility, and you can become more fulfilled if you play it right. But if you are on the entrepreneur side, patience comes into play, because a lot of times what you're starting out you've never started out before, and so you you have to build the road before you start walking on it. It could take more time. As a startup is something that is brand new. You could be doing this for six months, two years, seven years, before it finally takes off and you're not only supporting yourself, but you're making more money than you actually need. So in both scenarios, you need patience. But what are you willing to put patience into? Do you want to put patience into the corporate world or into being an entrepreneur? You need to look at the wisdom in both scenarios. Videos. Maybe you're working in the in the corporate world. While you are working on the entrepreneurial stuff, you need to lay all of these plans in front of yourself, do the pros and cons, figure out what makes sense and apply wisdom to this so that when you are deciding to have patience, it makes sense for you. Follow me, patience is not just something that, yeah, you have in order to feel good. It's a tool, and it's a tool that, when used properly, can actually uplift you and motivate you more. And the way you use it properly is to know why you're applying it, and to make very educated choices as to when you're going to apply it and for how long, because sometimes you can be patient, and you're deciding you're going to have patience through a situation, but as in the case of the woman with the six, six year relationship, maybe two years in, you go, You know what? This isn't worth it to me anymore. I really want the picket fence and the children and the whole thing like, maybe that's your opportunity to go at a time limit, and my time limit is up. So now I'm going to make a jump to do something specifically for me. So being proactive in your patience and in your wisdom is a gift to yourself. Applying compassion and grace when others are just not up to the task can be so important, so rewarding. Compassion and grace toward the people who are unable to make the big decisions, you've already got the Wisdom proactively. You've come up with all of the wisdom so that when you decide to have patience, you've got a term limit on that. You know what wisdom you are applying you, and you're proactively understanding what it is you're waiting for. And then when the term comes up and they're not ready to make a decision, give them grace. You were an active participant in this. You made a decision to stay there's no point in being angry. There's no point in being hurt, you proactively came up with the wisdom you chose to show patience, and now it's time to walk away. It's all cool, and if they're not cool with it, that's okay. They made a decision too, and you can give them the grace that comes with interacting with somebody who made a decision for themselves. Don't have shame or guilt. It's time to move on. So from this point forward, come up with the wisdom and be proactive with your wisdom, before you start showing your patience, and in moments when patience can really be rewarding to you on an emotional level employ that, you know, if, if I knew that my food wasn't going to come out exactly the way I wanted, I might, you know, be a little bit more direct about what it is that I need, but overall, I'd still need to apply patience. So why not have patience to begin with, right? And give yourself the opportunity to give that patience, to give the compassion and give the grace, so that you keep your heart rate down and you're positive about the entire experience. You don't know what's going on with other people, and sometimes even when you do, you need to give them the grace that allows them to make the decisions and the mistakes that they need to make for themselves. With that blessings to each and every one of you. Have a beautiful week. Everyone has something beautiful to bring to the world. And with that in mind, I designed energy daily. In Energy daily, I help you slow down and pay attention to what's going on in your life so that you can find value at every turn and design a life that's more fulfilling. So do a little extra. Check out energy daily on betsdanko com and sign up today experience the wisdom that helps to motivate and empower you in relationships, business, family and most importantly, self celebration, getting the picture, it's wisdom and it's all about you want to hear the chocolate tune into wisdom and chocolate weekly.