Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

The purpose of Imposter syndrome is to stop you in your tracks so that you don't succeed. Whoa, right? That's not something we want in our lives. We don't need it. 
You can control Imposter Syndrome.  It's time to understand the root of your fears and override all the negative words you are using to keep you from your dreams.  So right now today, start listening to what is going on in your brain, start listening to the words that you're using when you're talking to yourself.  And exercise your ability to choose how you react to every aspect of your life.

 Wisdom and Chocolate is a common sense approach to Mindset Development, Self Empowerment, and Happiness. The real transformation in life begins with Celebration….so grab your coffee and chocolate…It’s time to Celebrate You!

Highlights:

The Fear Of Failure.

Imposter Syndrome Holds You Back

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

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Transcript

Unknown: 0:03

It's time to combine a guilty little pleasure with a new healthy habit. Kick up your feet and listen in. This is Wisdom & Chocolate.

Bets Danko: 0:13

This is bets Danko. And you are listening to Wisdom& Chocolate. And today we're going to talk about something that is near and dear to my heart. Not and that is imposter syndrome. And I say it's not near and dear to my heart, because for real, it is not something that is super healthy for you. So why hold it that close? Right? So when we're talking about imposter syndrome, I think it's really important to start with a very broad definition. And that very broad definition is, it's low self esteem, low self confidence. And normally, it plays out in situations. So it's situational. Right? It has to do with you feeling like you're not capable, like you can't rise to the occasion, in any situation. So it could be at work, it could be in a relationship, it could be Oh, my goodness, and taking your driver's exam, it can be just about anything, but it's situational. So you may be feeling wow, I could accomplish anything on one particular task. But then when it comes to this specific thing, like finding a job, all the sudden you think you can't do it. And it's not just about low self esteem or little self confidence, like we can break that down. Anytime you're talking about those things, you can break that down. What exactly are you afraid of? Right? Because when you have low self confidence, there's a fear factor going on. So what are you afraid of when you have imposter syndrome? So this is what's crazy weird about this particular thing, you can be afraid of many different things. This is sort of an umbrella for low self esteem. And one of the main ones, I think, when I talk a lot, or talk to a lot of people, one of the main ones is fear of failure. And this is what is so crazy to me, because you can break that one down, too. So what is failure? Failure is basically you judging yourself and telling yourself that you are a failure. It's a judgment. Instead of recognizing that in any situation, where you are going for something, you're either going to get the results that you want, or you're going to get an opportunity to learn instead you decide that you're going to label yourself through judgment as a failure and a failure. Judgment is a is a dead stop. I mean, that's like, bam, you're done, you failed. So there is no succeeding after that, you can reframe your thoughts and start all over again. But once you've labeled yourself a failure, you're done. That's it, you don't move forward. So when you have a fear of failure, and you are not moving forward, you're basically designing the end of whatever it was you were trying to accomplish. So let's say it has to do with getting a new job, because we are creatures who like to prove ourselves, right, you're gonna put yourself in a position of feeling, man, right, you've set yourself up for failure because you're afraid of failing deep, right? So there's a flipside to this. Because sometimes imposter syndrome has to do with a fear of success. And how does that play out? Basically, you're afraid of succeeding, because then you're going to have to reprove that you can do something over and over and over again. And you may be thinking, I got that, right, because it was a fluke, like, I didn't know that I could do that. And I just did it. But that doesn't mean I can do it again. And so you set yourself up for failure. One more time. Yikes. Right? Instead of having a positive attitude, instead of coming out and saying, Well, yeah, I've not done this before. But I'm very confident that I can accomplish it. Instead of coming out and saying these things or at least saying them to yourself, you set yourself up for failure by deciding there is a failure, and a dead stop that is going to be happening. Not super good thing. Another fear that comes up under imposter syndrome is a fear of looking like a fool. And that's where you've got all the confidence in the world and you jump in and then you don't get it right. You get a lot of opportunity to learn from that situation. But maybe you didn't want to learn at the expense of like listening to everybody else's laughter or the calm So come up afterwards, right? Like feeling like a fool isn't comfortable, it doesn't feel good. And so when you set yourself up, by feeling afraid of that, you're basically setting yourself up for catastrophe. If it doesn't go, right, ah, do you see sort of a theme going on here, basically, your mindset helps you get to whatever it is that your mindset is all about. So if you're thinking that you're gonna fail, chances are, you're going to fail. If you think that you're going to succeed, you leave opening for learning and succeeding, that doesn't mean that you always get it right, you may still not get it, right. But when you're facing it with a more positive attitude, the chances of you gaining something from that situation are much greater. So another thing, and this is something that a lot of women, and forgive me for, for stating it this way, but it tends to be primarily women, they have a fear of a lack of knowledge. And I've had a lot of clients, a lot of female clients who come through and say, I've got to get this new certificate, I've got to go take that new class, I need to make sure that I'm in on this, or I'm in on that, because I need to make sure that I am qualified, I'm not going to get this position or that position unless I have all of these certifications. Now, I'm not against education, I think education is fabulous, and extremely useful. And definitely in many situations, it is vital. However, when you have imposter syndrome, and it drives you to want more and more and more and more education, so that you are not lacking knowledge, you're spending a whole lot of time educating in classroom situations, instead of learning on the job. And most of the time, when you're affected by impostor syndrome, you're actually stopping yourself from going for an opportunity because you think I've never gone to a class for that. And this is something that's very different between most men and women, at least this is what I have experienced. And that is that women will have a tendency to be very honest about what they're educated in. And that many times will stifle them. Whereas men will go, I can do that, I can do that. Even if they don't have the education. So this is what I recommend. See your possibilities, see what you could be capable of see what you could do. If you put your mind to it, and you had a positive attitude, and then say, I can do that most of the jobs that I have gotten in positions where I'm a supervisor, and that I have gotten have been because I said I can do that. Because I knew what I was capable of not because I had gone to four years at a university for this particular thing or taking a course or gotten a certification. You know, there are certain industries where those things are vital, and you have to get those certifications. But most of the time, if you've been introduced to a specific thing, and you're being offered a job to do that specific thing, with just a little bit of on the job training, and maybe a small little course here and there, you can do it. But you've got to get in the door so that you can prove that you can do it. So when you're feeling unworthy when you're feeling like you got this job, but you don't really deserve it, you got this position, but it's really not something that you earned, that also can be stifling. And that is under the umbrella of imposter syndrome as well. Because you do have the ability, you can get through it. But you're telling yourself that you're not worthy. And so you're slamming the door in your own face. Wow. Wow. Right, crazy. And of course, all of these things, all of these descriptions are generalities, because we all experience things on different levels for different reasons. And some of us experience many of these things, I can say that I've experienced at least two or three of those times in my life. And I can also say that I've realized that some of them are completely useless. So let's just be done with it. And that's what I recommend to you really look at some of these ways that impostor syndrome is working in your life and take a step back. Look at it, is it stifling you or helping you to move forward and why do you have such low self confidence in these areas? Step back look at it and Lies it figure it out. And that's what somebody did in the 1970s, they noticed that there was some sort of syndrome going on specifically around high level business women. And not a lot of people could figure out what the heck was going on, because these women were very capable. So there were two doctors who went on the scene started interviewing these women and realized that there was a syndrome called impostor syndrome. That was around 1978. And of course, after that, there were more studies done. And we found out that it wasn't just women who were being affected, it was men as well. And it doesn't have to be adults, it could be teenagers, it could be children, it's something that we all could face at any time. And when we started recognizing that it was, you know, pretty widespread, that's when attention was called to it. But our society was very different at that time. And I think that people are looking at themselves differently. Now, with a little bit more curiosity, a little bit more of introspection, where we really want to understand our thought processes. And it wasn't just just get out there, get the job done, you got a family to feed, you got to get over it, you know that there wasn't a lot of that going, or if there isn't a lot of that going on, in general in our society. And so that's very different from that time period. So we're focusing a lot more on it. So I'm going to segue right now we're going to talk about chocolate, there are lessons to be learned from all things around us, including chocolate. So when we talk about chocolate, today, we're talking about mostre, Roth chocolate tears, and these candy bars. There. It's funny because it's like in a box. And when you open it up, they're tiny little candy bars inside of it. And so it's it's like a little surprise when you open it up. But the one we're going to talk about is the chili, dark chocolate. And we're going to talk about that because it is definitely not an impostor. It is a chocolate that is unapologetic. It says I'm here and I deserve to be recognized, acknowledged. And so it steps forward, and it says Yum, right? You're gonna love me. And of course you try it. And you do. And even though it's got chili powder in it, it's it's just the right amount of kick. But here's the thing. And this might be the imposter syndrome section of this. This is one of those chocolates that when I picked it up, even though it didn't include a lot of the things that I tried to avoid and chocolates. It also gave a little statement saying that it could contain dairy, it could contain nuts. And so if you're somebody who's very sensitive to those things, obviously you can't have this chocolate. But it looked so pure on the label that when I turned it over, I was shocked to find out that more was going on. You've got to be authentic, even if you've got a few questions on the inside. So can impostor syndrome be good? Hmm. That's a good question. Imposter syndrome, maybe gives you the opportunity to sort of assess what's going on with you. So maybe in some ways, it can be good because it opens up understandings of of who you are and what you're all about possible. I would say overall, it's not super helpful if you want to progress in life. If you're looking for for fulfillment, probably not super helpful, because if you've always got a question on the inside, chances are, it's stifling you on many different levels. So I would say overall, not super good. Can it be diagnosed? Technically, I don't think that it's an actual mental health diagnosis. It's something that you might recognize it's something that a therapist might say, you might wonder about impostor syndrome, because you look very capable to me, You sound very capable, and yet, you don't believe that you are. But it's not necessarily something you can diagnose. It's an understanding that your vision of who you are and what you are, is affecting your outcome. So can it affect your body and what's going on with your physical self? Absolutely. It fills you with stress. When you constantly feel as though you don't belong somewhere because you're not worthy or you're not qualified. You are stressed out. What if somebody figures it out? That's that's, that's something that people question a lot. What if they figure it out? What if they realize I'm not as good as I as they thought I was. Wow, not good for you. Stress, not good for your muscles, for your heart, for your digestion for your brain, and you've got that whole you know, Circular thought thing going on where you're constantly recycling through everything that is going wrong in your life. Man, if you mix that with imposter syndrome, not super great for you. So how do you overcome it? We're talking a lot about what it is and how it plays out in your life. But how do you overcome it? Well, the main thing is you need to start recognizing what is real. And what is a belief, when you start recognizing that you really are capable when you start recognizing that you do have an appropriate amount of education, when you start recognizing that when people laugh, because you're you haven't gotten it right, that isn't your problem. That's their problem. In fact, most of the people who react that way towards you, they react that way. Because they themselves doubt whether or not they are capable, they're showing you their lack of self esteem, people who hurt or hurt themselves. So pity them, give them a little extra compassion. Don't allow it to rain down on your parade, don't allow that allow yourself to progress and move forward. So one of the things that people do is go to group therapy. And that can be very, very helpful because you're in a group and you're speaking to many different people. Sometimes getting your thoughts out and speaking them into a crowd can help you to really look at how valid those thoughts are. You might recognize it, oh, my goodness, I was terrified of public speaking. But it's not that hard. And and realize that if there's somebody in the room that makes fun of you, or has a problem with what it is that you're saying, again, it's their problem, it's not your problem. And being in a group, and speaking in front of group can give you that understanding. Another thing is just going straight to therapy, just being one on one with somebody going to a life coach, figuring out your life and and how to live a more fulfilling life. By lifting yourself up. You can do Cognitive Processing Therapy, which is where you identify your negative thoughts, because sometimes people don't even realize the dialogue that's going on inside their own brain. Sometimes people have their constant like all day long, they're saying to themselves, you're not worthy, you're not good enough, you're not educated enough, you're not pretty enough, you're not strong enough, you're not devoted enough, like all day long, and you're with yourself 24/7. So to hear that all day long, can be very stifling. You should be your own best friend, your own superhero, your biggest cheerleader, that's your job. If you're wondering what is what is my job in life, what is my mission? What should I be doing, your mission should be to fill your life and your thoughts with positive words. Because then you can be more fulfilled, and you can affect the lives of others in a more positive and uplifting way. So this whole imposter syndrome thing. Gotta let it go. Let's get back into reality of what's actually going on. Let's look deeper at what failure actually is. Let's look more at the opportunity that is in front of you, and how you can grab onto that opportunity and really fly. Because imposter syndrome holds you back. It's stifling. It's only purpose is to stop you in your tracks so that you don't succeed. Whoa, right? That's not something we want in our lives. We don't need it. We don't want it. So right now today, start listening to what what is going on in your brain, start listening to the words that you're using when you're talking to yourself. Start saying to yourself, I can do that. Now if somebody says I need a neurosurgeon, can you come do the surgery, obviously, if you're not educated in that, that's not what I'm talking about. But if it's you know, hey, we need somebody to help paint this swing set. I can do that. We need somebody who can learn this computer system and train other people, I can do that. Right? There are things that you can do. Allow yourself to see that and allow yourself to say, I can do that and work beyond imposter syndrome. Everyone has something beautiful to bring to the world. And with that in mind, I designed energy daily and energy daily. I help you slow down and pay attention to what's going on in your life so that you can find value at every turn and design a life that's more fulfilling. So do a little extra. Check out energy daily on BetsDanko.Com and sign up today. Experience the wisdom that helps to motivate and empower you in relationships, business, family, and most importantly, self celebration. Getting the picture. It's wisdom and it's all about you want to hear the chocolate tune into Wisdom & Chocolate weekly