It's Time To Get Unstuck

Stuckness and fear can hold you back in various aspects of life. It’s important to understand why you are stuck and shift your mindset to overcome fear and move forward. Try stirring some things up!  It’s time to step out of your comfort zones and embrace new experiences to  improve your well-being and get grounded. And if you’re feeling stuck because fear is holding you back, let’s reframe failure as an opportunity for growth!

 Wisdom and Chocolate is a common sense approach to Mindset Development, Self Empowerment, and Happiness. The real transformation in life begins with Celebration….so grab your coffee and chocolate…It’s time to Celebrate You!

Highlights:

What Are You Stuck In?

Try Something New.

Acknowledge The Grounding, Baby!

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Transcript

Bets Danko: 0:03

It's time to combine a guilty little pleasure with a new healthy habit. Kick up your feet and listen in. This is Wisdom & Chocolate. This is Bets Danko. And you are listening to Wisdom & Chocolate. And I'm excited to be here today because we're going to be talking about a subject that I have been facing a lot lately. And that's being stuck. When we talk about being stuck, it sort of paints a picture of not being able to move forward, not being able to progress, go for your dreams. Not be able to do simple things like just getting something done in the middle of the day. I think in many ways, depression is a form of being stuck. It's it's like a spiral in a place that doesn't allow you to enjoy life. And I think in the moments when we are experiencing being stuck, it's really important to recognize that we have the superpower to choose how we react to any given situation. So when we feel like we're stuck, we need to start looking for the solutions and get ourselves unstuck. And that sounds, I know, it sounds so simplistic, so easy. And yet, it's not always that easy. Because the thought patterns that we have, the things that we think to ourselves or even speak out loud, can really sabotage us. Especially if we feel like the reason we're stuck is because of something we did or didn't do or just weren't capable of taking care of. Yike, right.? When we're blaming ourselves. When our language is saying that we're the ones who caused that, well, it's pretty hard to get yourself unstuck by seeing things more clearly, right? You get stuck in that spiral and you're sort of going around in that spiral, constantly thinking about the reasons why you're to blame. And then jumping out of that, taking a step out, of that just kind of getting off the wheel, not super easy. Now, a few days ago, I was thinking about, because you know I'm from Los Angeles, and I I saw a video that had nothing to do with this, actually. But it was a computer generated video where somebody was walking and they suddenly just sort of sank into the earth. And they were gone. And I started thinking about La Brea Tar Pits. Which I guess that that does have something to that video does have something to do with this. But, those of you who aren't familiar, the La Brea Tar Pits are basically exactly what they say. They're pits of tar. And they are near some of the museums and things in Los Angeles. And it's it's one of those natural wonders, if you will, which is surrounded by civilization. So it's like if you go to see the Great Pyramid in Egypt, you'll be shocked to find out that all of those pictures where it's just like surrounded with sand just aren't even real. Because there's there's city all the way around it. Like it's civilization building itself around things that are cool, or mysterious, right? So the Brea Tar Pits are like this. And the La Brea Tar Pits are literally things that you do not want to get involved with. Because when you step in tar, it's real hard to get out. That's what we call stuck. You step in it, and you start sinking, and you can't get out. So what what would be the solution to that? Well, when one quick solution is watch where you're walking, right? Don't get yourself in the middle of a tar pit before you realize you want to get out. Like, just don't even go there, right? But sometimes we do end up there. Sometimes we end up in a position we weren't anticipating. Even if we were looking at the road ahead of us. You know, because there are other people in this world. There are other situations that we can stumble upon without even realizing we're putting ourselves in those situations. How do you get unstuck in those moments? And obviously, that would be a moment where you recognize it wasn't you. You didn't do that. You didn't put yourself in that position. Or maybe maybe you do think that. Like, I should have been watching this. I should have had my eyes open for this, whatever. But let's say it's a situation where you're not blaming yourself. How do you change your mindset and get yourself clear and let go of any fear that is there so that you can move forward? How do you get unstuck? Well, the first thing to do is recognize what it is you're stuck in. Some things are obvious. Like, oh, there's a big pool of tar. Like that's obvious right in front of you, right? But sometimes you feel stuck and you don't know why. And something did just happen. Let's say you lost your job. But all along, you didn't like your job. So why is that making you feel stuck? What exactly is happening that is leading you to feel like you can't move forward, when all along you've been hoping that you could move forward? What is that? Well, my guess is that it's fear. My guess is that the fear stems from something that has little or nothing to do with the situation that you're in at this moment. Because we have learned patterns. We have embraced understandings from our childhood, from our teenage years, from our 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, whatever the age it is that you're at right now. Every every decade of your life, every moment of your life, gives you opportunity to learn, but also opens up opportunity to stifle yourself through fear. Well, the last time I went through this didn't go well. So now I'm riddled with fear because I don't want to go through that again, right? So you start telling yourself narratives. And you're blaming the other things. And you're rightfully looking at the situation going, I'm stuck possibly, because I just lost my job, but go deeper. Because you have a superpower. You have the ability to choose how you're going to react. You have an ability to choose how you're going to move forward. And if you don't understand why you're not taking advantage of those abilities, then you need to look deeper at yourself. What's going on there? Where's the fear coming from? Why are you allowing that fear to step in. Now, if you lost your job, and you weren't feeling secure in your job to begin with, then this has been an opportunity for you. This is a door that has opened. this is a place that you can step through. And you can say to me, well, no, because I have lost my job so many times in the last 5-10 years, that I just feel like, you know, I'm afraid to step out there and feel like a failure all over again. Well, here's the thing. Every time you get a new job, you learn a new skill. Every time you get a new job, you have a new opportunity to better yourself. So even if the job is no longer there, you take those elements, those opportunities, with you to find the thing that you're meant to be in. I can't tell you how many jobs I had over the years before I ended up with an industry I actually loved. You know, I worked in the plumbing industry. I worked with training CPAs to take the CPA exam. I was even one of these people who, you know, I worked in temp agencies for a long time working at different banks and whatever. And one of the jobs that I had was as an air freshener, what do you call it? Like somebody who demonstrates air fresheners. And it was, you know, people would come down this aisle and pitch spraying this stuff for like five hours, the whole store smells like it but I'd still have people walk down the island. And I would offer to spray this air freshener for them. And many people were super sweet and would say yes, even though like I said, you could smell it probably for a mile away from the store. But, you know, you you do whatever it takes to make a living, right? And on that day, my living was being made by spraying air freshener for about eight hours. I learned I had some qualities I didn't know that I had. And some abilities for sales that I didn't know that I had. Now did I want to do it again? No, I was done. I did it one day. I was all done. It's all good. I don't need to go back. But I learned from the experience and I took with me an understanding of how that particular type of job works. So understand that every situation that you're in, gives you opportunity to learn and take that understanding with you. And now, of course, I work with so many people and I keynote and I get opportunities to teach people on how to identify with the best that is inside of them. And I take situations like that air freshening day as as understanding that helps me to train other people. It's a blessing. It's a blessing to move from one situation to the next. So right now we're going to move from one such situation to the next we're going to talk about chocolate because it's in the title of the show, for goodness sakes. Right right Wisdom & Chocolate. So I'm going to talk about Dr. Bronner's Magic All One chocolate. And this particular Chocolate totally shocked me. Oh, it shocked me because I anticipated it was going to be dry. Maybe not so creamy. Like I didn't really think that this was going to be my thing. And for those of you who have not joined me on the show before I look for healthier versions of chocolate, so that we can all take part but have a little less guilt. And so every time I do one of these podcasts and one of these presentations, I talk about a different chocolate. So today the Dr. Bronner's Magic All One chocolate milk, Golden Milk Chai oat milk chocolate. You got that right. I said I was worried it would be like a little dry, maybe a little too crunchy. Like, I was worried about this one because of the oat milk factor. Now I'm sensitive to oat milk. So I knew I could only take just like one bite. But I didn't just take one bite. I took like three bites, but over time so that I wouldn't react, right? And here's the thing. It was so good. It was so good. It was creamy. It was flavorful. It was amazing. This was made with regenerative organic certified cocoa and coconut sugar. It's vegan, gluten free, non GMO, USDA Organic. Oh, my goodness. So many checkboxes there. Right? A dopamine boost every single time I'm checking off those things. So many good things in this chocolate. And to boot, it is creamy. Creamy people. Oat milk and creamy. So this is definitely one that you need to try. And I wasn't afraid to try it. I was excited to try it. Because new things are important. It's important to get past the worry and concern and actually put yourself in a position of being able to experience things that are different. And when you get to experience things that are different, a few wonderful things happen. But one of the most important things is you get to identify the things you don't like. I have been around so many people who are like, you know, I don't like that food. Well, have you ever tried that food? No, I just know I won't like it. I just think that's so incredibly crazy. I mean, unless it's you know, have you tried squid? Well, I'm not going to try squid. But that's not I don't like that. That's acknowledging that's a little weird for me so I'm not going to do it. Totally different thing. It's important to try things that are new so that you know what you like and what you don't like. So that you understand the value of the things that are important to you. So that you understand the value of the things that you've experienced and you've enjoyed. It's important that you acknowledge that there is opportunity to learn and expand by trying new things. Now there are a lot of people who can say, well, that's Now, my husband and I actually put together this office area. And it was sort of a new experience. We hadn't done something like this before. And there was a huge timeline crunch. There was like you've got two months to get this whole thing done and so there were a lot of things, you know, you can't cut corners, you got to do everything by the book. And there were a lot of things that had to be done that we had to learn about on the fly. And one of the things had to do with plumbing. Now last winter, we had a pipe that burst, and I came out here and the whole building was flooded. It was really, it was a bummer. It was a big bummer. A nd we didn't know if the floor can be salvaged. We didn't know if anything would be able to dry. It was just such a stressful time. And everything ended up being fine. But over the last few months, I have been not well. And I kind of chalked it up to my allergies getting worse and not really knowing what was going on. And then one day, mold! Mold people. There was mold. And we lifted up floorboards. And lo and behold, there was a leak inside the wall from the same pipe that had burst. So apparently, there was an issue with that pipe that went beyond what we thought. And so we had to rip up the bathroom, rip up the back wall, take out drywall, take out the flooring. Like it's been crazy. But the more we've gotten rid of things, the more I can breathe, and the better I feel so it's really wonderful to get all of the mold stuff out of here. And just to be clear, there are like decent sort of molds and not so good molds and this was one of those that just affected me. It's it's, you know, I'm sensitive to that kind of thing. So no worries. The people who are out there going, Oh, you gotta go get everything tested. Everything's been looked at and we understand what was going on. But we had to repair what was there. And one of the things that happened was my husband said, you know, I feel responsible for this. I feel really bad about this. I wish that I had known more. But here's the thing. You sometimes need to experience something in order to learn how to do it. Sometimes you go for a situation and you try to get things done and you think that they're fabulous, and they don't go as planned and something doesn't work the way you wanted it to. failure. You totally failed to do that pipe thing correctly. I don't like to look at it that way. See, we tried something and when you try something, it either goes the way you wanted it to, or you get opportunity to learn. So we got opportunity to learn. And it was a tough lesson to learn because of how much work has gone into fixing the problem and removing all of the boards and all of that kind of thing. But lessons learned. We learned from it. And to sit back and go, oh, we failed, only gets Failure isn't real. Failure is a judgment that you put on us stuck. We don't want to be stuck. We want to be unstuck. So we live our lives going for the un-stuckness. And we do that by not going toward a label like failure. yourself at the moment. You judge yourself. And judgment is something that happens when you separate yourself from the light you have inside of you. So who wants to go there. If you do want to go there, you might want to check that. I don't want to live in make believe. I want to live in what's real.And what's real is, opportunity to learn. So another thing that you learn in situations like this is, you learn what you like and what you don't like. One thing that I don't like, is water damage. So I learn that you double check and triple check everything that you're doing when you're working with pipes to ma e sure that you don't end up with a flood. So now we're going to move on to the celebration section of this show. And the celebration section is where we look at all the positives in in everything that we've been talking about. And I slant everything toward a positive. But really, when we get to the celebration section, this is where we bring it home. So let me talk to you about grounding and anchoring. See a lot of people get stuck because they feel like they're alone. And a lot of people say negative things about themselves in to themselves because they feel like they've let themselves down and they experience those moments of judgment where they tell themselves that they are failures. And grounding is what reverses all of that. Now you can be grounded in your family, your children, your husband, your wife, your business. You can be grounded in your your religious affiliations. You can be grounded in many things. But the most important way to be grounded is within yourself. Understanding you and learning how to trust you. If everything you say to yourself is laced with things that imply failure, if you feel stuck, and you're not pulling yourself out of the LaBrea Tarpits, then you are not anchored. It's important that you put yourself in a place of, of grounding and anchoring by simply looking at yourself. But it's also important that you surround yourself with a tribe, that your grounding is something that you can experience in a group in a crowd. And I can tell you that as you get older, it becomes a little harder to have a tribe. And the reason is that a lot of the stuff when you're younger is around your schooling, around your new relationship with your husband, around dating, around children. It's around all of the things that you have going on in your life. But as you get older, and you're retired or your children have gotten older, so they moved out of a house, or whatever the thing is, and you find yourself without all of those activities, you need to actively pursue new activities. So that means getting involved in community projects. Maybe joining a group. Maybe going to more religious affiliated events. Maybe it's going to community events that you may not have gone to in the past. Maybe it's opening your own little sales booth at an event that's that's in the public so that you can meet a lot of people. You need to actively pursue These situations networking events are everywhere. If you're anywhere near city, networking is a thing. And there are normally many different groups that have networking events. Go out, meet people actively pursue your grounding area. Your anchoring area. Bring that beauty that is you. Anchor in you first, and then find your tribe. And in doing this, you'll find yourself more uplifted. You'll find that the situations where you feel stuck, become fewer. You'll find that you're not limited in the same way when you want to try something new. Your resources start to grow and you find opportunity in so many lovely and wonderful places. And remember, try these things, especially because they are something new. If you think about it, the Dr. Bronner's people, they probably didn't get that one chocolate right the first timed. They probably tried different levels of the milk, different levels of the cocoa, like they probably tried all these different blends before they found the perfect blend. So don't feel frightened by trying. Don't feel frightened by failure. Don't feel frightened at looking like a fool. You're human. Humans are supposed to make some mistakes here and there and learn from their mistakes. That's part of being human. Don't deny that humaneness. Get out there, get yourself unstuck. Allow yourself to do something new, and ground yourself in the knowledge that you are fabulous. Everyone has something beautiful to bring to the world. And with that in mind, I designed Energié Daily. In Energié Daily, I help you slow down and pay attention to what's going on in your life. So that you can find value at every turn and design a life that's more fulfilling. So do a little extra. Check out Energié Daily on BetsDanko.Com and sign up today. Experience the wisdom that helps to motivate and empower you in relationships, business, family and most importantly, self celebration. Getting the picture? It's wisdom and it's all about you. Want to hear the chocolate? Tune into Wisdom & Chocolate weekly.