Recognize Your Inner Strength

When you tap into your strength deliberately, it makes you unstoppable. 

You can stare your challenges down and take charge of them. In order to face those bigger challenges, we actually have to work on the smaller ones. Sort of build up the muscle, so that we can cope with and handle some of the bigger things which are at hand. To do this we need to look at patterns, things that we actually do all the time. We’re hardwired to create patterns because we feel safer when things look the same and there are no questions. But those patterns may be stifling us and stopping us from moving forward. Umm… let’s stop that. It’s time to tap into your strength and change your patterns. 

 Wisdom and Chocolate is a common sense approach to Mindset Development, Self Empowerment, and Happiness. The real transformation in life begins with Celebration….so grab your coffee and chocolate…It’s time to Celebrate You!

Highlights:

Changing Your Patterns

Peppermint And Bringing Your Strength To Life

Tap Into The Strength You Have - Trust Me, It’s There

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Transcript

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Bets Danko: 0:03

It's time to combine a guilty little pleasure with a new healthy habit. Kick up your feet and listen in. This is Wisdom & Chocolate. This is Bets Danko. And you are listening to Wisdom & Chocolate. And today, we're going to be talking about recognizing your inner strength. So hold on tight, this is going to be a ride. So today, I thought we would take a little tour of your inner strength. In fact, I think that it's a good day for you to recognize your inner strength and not only recognize it, but use it to your advantage. So I hope that you're ready for this one. Because this is one of these situations where I remind you that you are in control, and that you are especially in control of all of your choices. All, did you catch that? All of your choices? You're in charge of those, and you're the only one who controls how you react? What? I know. I know. Here I go reminding you again, because the thing is this...we have a tendency, as human beings, to go sort of with the crowd. We gotta find our tribe. We gotta travel with the tribe. There's safety with the tribe, right? We have this way of talking ourselves into relinquishing our own control, specifically, of our lives. What? Like, this is literally a thing. Why are we this way? I don't know. Actually, I do kind of know. But for the purposes of this talk, let's sort of investigate this as if we're both trying to figure it out. Okay? So recognizing your inner strength. You have so much strength, smushed and squished and sliced and diced and pushed into and like, I don't know, all of these different things inside of that little body of yours. And your mind understands that all those things are there, and understands what to do to make these things work in your favor. The only issue is that the mind is always in search of the thing that can cause you the most trouble. And that's good. It's important that the mind is doing this, that it is kind of going that's not safe, and directing you away from the lion. Like that's a good thing. But this can also be very stifling. If you're always on the lookout for the negative, then you're always focusing on the negative and that does not serve you. It's important that we have balance in our lives. That we're that we're aware - that was very hard to get out - that we are aware of the dangers, but we're also aware of our superpowers and our ability to overcome the dangers. Now today, I'm not going to talk about super heavyweights like big deal dangers, because you know, there's a time and place for that. And obviously, all we have to do is turn on the news to recognize what the dangers are, right. And I think that many times, in order to face those bigger dangers, we actually have to work on the smaller dangers. Sort of build up the muscle, so that we can cope with and handle some of the other things which are at hand. And those other things tend to come in the way of patterns, things that we actually do all the time. We're doing the things we know they're not good for us, and we're doing them anyway. And this is not good, but in a way, we're sort of hardwired to do that. Because you stay safer when there are no questions. There's no scary stuff around. And of course, the scary stuff is the stuff you don't know anything about. Like what's lurking around the corner. What's going to happen if I make this choice? If there are two lanes that I could go into, and I go to the left instead of the right, what's going to happen to me? We're always thinking about those things. And that stifles us and stops us from moving forward. And it stops us from breaking patterns which do not serve us. So hello, we're not doing that anymore. Okay. Today we're gonna talk about not doing that anymore. So, what are the patterns? Taking the same old job, even if it doesn't feed your soul, even if every time you get into this kind of job you're not making enough money to support yourself, let alone your family. Taking the same job, even though it feels as though it's draining the life out of you. Some jobs are so stressful, that it affects the whole rest of your life. If you let it. I need to express that. Doesn't have to affect your whole life - If you let it, it will. Relationships. Patterns in relationships can lead you to relationships which do not support the things that mean the most to you. They don't support your passions. They don't support your goals. They don't support your self esteem. They don't support your self respect. These relationships - patterns - get you into these relationships that you need to knock down probably with a hammer. Like, just get rid of that pattern. You do not need it. You need to be surrounding yourself with positive uplifting people. People who adore you and want you to succeed. People who are willing to talk through the things that are bothering you most. Clothes. And that might seem like a weird pattern that I would be bringing up, but clothes. There are a lot of different ways to take this. One of the things is, are you a compulsive buyer? Are you constantly buying things? Are you even wearing the things that you buy? I had this good friend years and years ago who, oh my gosh, she was lovely. She gave me so many of her clothes. And she loved things that were you know, basically off the runway. And so these were expensive pieces. And she had very good taste. And yet she didn't wear half the stuff that she gave me. I would get things that she'd had in her closet for a year or two that still had the price tags on them. And so it was a compulsive buying situation that wasn't serving her. That money could have gone to better things, perhaps saving for the future, or helping to work on things in her house. There were better things that she could have done with that money, obviously. Although it was lovely that essentially she bought me new clothing, it still was not serving her in the best way possible. But clothes can also be in patterns that let us know that we are not living our authentic lives. And let me explain that. I have taken a one on one clients. I've I've been very privileged to work with individuals and to help people navigate their lives. This is a passion that I have. And I've just been so blessed to be one of these people that gets referred. A lot of my work is through referrals. In fact, I would say probably 90% of my work is through referrals. And one of the referrals led me to going to a party and working with a large group of people at this party talking about their patterns and things that were going on in their lives. And this one woman in particular, she admitted in front of the group that there was an outfit or actually specifically a jacket, that she really loved and really wanted to buy but she was afraid. She was afraid of how people would view her. She was afraid of, you know, kind of going against the norm because other people in her circles didn't dress that way. And the thing is that she was immaculately dressed. She looks just beautiful. But she was in sweatpants, gray and black. A shirt, gray and black. A jacket, grey and black. Tennis shoes, which gray and black and I think there was a touch of color like a teal somewhere on there. And there were little tiny socks that I couldn't really see. And she had very short, very conventional looking hair. She looked beautiful. But everything that you could see on the outside was indicating a person who was sad, feeling as though there was no direction, feeling like they couldn't express themselves, thus all the gray and the black and the uniformity of everything that she was wearing. When really what she wanted was a pink fur coat. That is the thing that she saw and she really wanted but she was afraid of how people would see her so she didn't purchase it. A pink fur coat. She loved it. And she went on for several minutes talking about this coat. But there was no way that it would fit into her lifestyle. There was no way it would fit into her circle of friends, so she thought. Now I'm the type of person who just dresses the way I want to. Now I do wear a lot of black, I do wear a lot of gray, that has more to do with pulling focus to specific areas. Like today, I'm wearing green up on the top, but the pants are black, I wish for people to look at my face, I don't necessarily want them to be looking at my legs, let's say. Because I want to communicate with people. I want to interact with people. And it's difficult to interact with people when their face is looking at your kneecaps. Right? And so I put the fancy stuff up at top. I've got long earrings, mostly because I just really love long earrings. But they also pull the focus to my face. So I've got the green pulling things up. I've got the earrings pulling you to my face, so that you'll listen to me, so that you'll pay attention. Now it's not that I put a ton of thought into this. It's not like I'm going, which earrings will I use in order to pull focus to my face. I don't do that. But I just recognize that certain elements in my wardrobe are sort of strategically placed because I created patterns long ago. I recognize that I am happier when I'm wearing bright clothing. I recognize that I am happier when people look at me in the eye and listen to what I have to say and then share their stories and allow me to listen to them. This is how I am happiest. Excuse me. So I want to be wearing very bright, vibrant colors. They make me happy. So even if I'm not communicating with somebody or trying to communicate with somebody, they just bring up my mood. So if I was standing there looking at a pink fur coat, I would totally buy that pink fur coat because I know that in the long run, it would make me happy. But she was stifled her patterns told her go with something that's safe, go with something black and gray. Don't rock the boat. Don't do things that other people will look at and think, she's crazy, right? And it also was a situation where she wasn't willing to stand by a crazy decision. Crazy decision, to me it's a normal decision, but to her, it was a crazy decision. She wasn't willing to stand by that decision. So sad. So sad. Right? Sometimes we need to make different choices, push the boundaries of our patterns, allow ourselves to see you can be safe in a bright green light turtleneck sweater. You can be safe, wearing great big peace sign earrings. You can be safe if you've got Betsey Johnson clogs on. I mean, it's just it's a matter of testing the waters and recognizing, you know what, if someone comments, that's their deal, and it's totally fine. It's totally fine. That's them. I am excited about the bows on the tops of my shoes. Right? It's safe, and it's okay when you are okay with the choices that you make. Another thing is weight. That's another pattern that a lot of people struggle with. And something that goes along with this is patterns of eating Are you a person who eats ice cream at like 10 o'clock at night right before you go to bed? Uh, not super good for you. And it makes it so that you're not really digesting properly all night so you don't sleep very deeply. And you don't process the food very well. And it increases the amount of anxiety and stress on your body. So when you wake up, the cortisol levels are higher, and all the happy that comes with all the little hormones that float into your life isn't there, because your body's going what the heck happened to me? Why was I choked off with, you know, cow milk right before I went to bed laced with a pound of sugar? Why did that happen? I'm not telling you don't eat ice cream. Oh my gosh. Lovely yummy. Things are awesome from time to time. However, there are times and places for that. It is far better for your body to stop eating by seven or eight if you're going to bed at 10 or 11. That is a healthier way of of providing yourself with a good environment in which to sleep. So weight as patterns can play out in this way - making poor choices about the foods you're eating. When you're eating it, how you're eating it. Maybe you love potatoes in the form of french fries. Lovely. But cooking in oil, not so great. Baked potato might be a better choice, right? But we love those French fries. I love potato chips. I have not eaten potato chips since December 2022. Why?They're not good for me. So I broke the pattern, and I just went off of them completely. And now when I look at a bag, I recognize, wow, I'm so proud of myself that I stopped eating those. And honestly, if I went and ate a couple now after being off them for a while, I probably wouldn't feel so good. Like, I recognize that the damage that was being done would come on full force now that my body is sort of clean from not having had them and so long. Also, there can be unhealthy habits and patterns having to do with weighing yourself. Are you somebody weighs yourself every time you eat? Are you stressing over every bite of, I don't even know, of a doughnut that you have, and then running to the scale? Do you go on vacation and then, you know, a day and you're like I probably gained five pounds? Like, are you stressing about these things? These are definitely patterns that have to stop. There's a difference between awareness which which leads to better choices, and just completely addicted to pulling yourself down emotionally by filling yourself with guilt, for wanting to have a bite of a doughnut. A bite of a doughnut ain't gonna hurt you as much as a whole carton of doughnuts. So there's a difference in feeling I should probably change this between eating a bite and eating an entire box, right? If there's a baker's dozen in that box. That's enough calories for the whole week. You might as well just eat that. And then like stop eating until Friday. You know what I mean? Like, it's not real great for you. And it's important that you recognize the patterns that you're putting yourself into, that are not healthy for you. Do you just reach for whatever's there? Or are you mindfully eating? Like first thing in the morning...Oh, I can have a nectarine or I can have toast. Nectarines, probably a better choice. Probably a better choice. And why is that? Because it's easier to digest first thing in the morning. It gives you a lot of really awesome healthy nutrients that kind of enliven you, help you feel pretty great. Toast can be had later on in the day. Different choice doesn't limit what you can have b ut just choices that allow you to optimize your energy and your focus throughout the day. Other patterns that we have, have to do with impulsive anything like impulsive buying of clothes, like I said impulsive buying of sugary foods like I was just implying, but also impulsive buying of things that you don't even need. Are you a person that gets emails from Macy's all the time? I'm one of those people. I have a love of Macy's because I was a holiday worker for many, many years when I was a teenager, and I just never lost the love of Macy's. And so I get emails all the time. And oh, it is so hard to scroll past when it says that there's like a 60% discount on watches. It is really hard to not go there. But I don't need a watch. I've got like five watches that are mine. And then I've inherited watches. And so I don't really need them. I mean, look, I'm not even wearing a watch. I don't watche but I rarely wear them. I am, to be totally honest, I'm trying to go back into wearing watches so that I am limiting the amount of time I'm looking at my phone. Just I'm finding any way possible to stop looking at my phone. And so wearing a watch is a really great way of doing that because I'm on a schedule a lot of the time and it's easy to flip up the phone to see what time it is and then notice that your phone has given you alerts. And now you're looking at the alerts. Oh, I should probably look at this one. And now you're on social media looking at something. And it's like 40 minutes go by and all I wanted was the time, right? So now I'm going back to watches but I have to be careful not to follow the impulses to just purchase whatever's there. Not good for me, right? So these patterns are things that you can control. And the very first step to controlling those patterns is recognizing that they're there. Acknowledging that there are common things in your life - themes that are going on continuously. When you acknowledge that you can make a different choice. And making a different choice is all about knowing what it is you actually want. I don't want to waste all of my money on watches. I don't want to feel bad when I wake up in the morning and have a cloudy head because I've eaten stuff that's not super good for me. These are things that I acknowledge about what I need and what I want. And after I acknowledge those things, I visualize what it'd be like what it would be like to have things different. What would it be like to not spend $60 on a watch? What can I spend that money on? Or what account can I put it in? If I put it in a high yield savings account how will that compound over a year? Like, there are different choices that can be made when you are visualizing what it is that could happen, rather than following the impulses that you're following now. And then you need to make a choice. You need to sit down and make a choice, and own your superpower. If you're the only one who can make choices about your life, and you're the only one who's in charge of reaction in your life, then you're the only one who can choose to change your patterns. This is a superpower that is power like no other. If you've ever wanted power in your life, if you ever were like, I wish I could do this and I wish I could do that, well, I am telling you right now. This is your superpower and you can be in control because honestly, you already are. Uh. I suggest you start with one at a time. I suggest you recognize You're the one who put those patterns into place. You're the that patterns can take Oh goodness, 60 days to to get into one that's allowing them to stay there. You're the one that's allowing them to permeate all levels of your life. You're the one who's in control of that. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry to have to remind you of that. So you can take charge deliberately now. place. And and you need to be ready for that . Recognize you And change things just by making a choice. And you can make it good by coupling those choices with stressful things. And what do I mean by that? If you really want to create change in your life, get your heart pumping. Walk really fast, get on the treadmill, do the elliptical. Do something that - rowing, I would really love a rowing machine but that's a whole other story. You can do any of these things, which is causing a little bit of stress on your body, getting your heart rate going,and start bringing in the positive thoughts of all the patterns that you are about to change. might make mistakes. Recognize you might end up doing something that you didn't want to do. But you are in control of how you react to that. Just jump right back on the bandwagon and keep going with that goal. Takes about 60 days for it to get in your mind and in your body. Make it really stick by combining it with something that's getting your heart rate going. Because then every time you go into a state of stress, you're getting more focused on the goals that you have. It is amazing the way the body and the mind work together in this way. So optimize it, use it to your advantage. And then create the plan and follow through. The follow through is the most important part. Oh my gosh, well, the most important part actually is acknowledging that there's an issue, right? But then you've got to follow through, you can go through and make all these choices. You can come up with a plan. You can do the workout and combine it with all of your goals. But if you don't follow through, you're the one in charge. Don't let yourself down. Do not let yourself down. You are far more valuable than that. And you know what it feels like when other people let you down. Now multiply that by 10 and that's the damage it does to you when you let yourself down. So let's talk about chocolate because everybody should be talking about chocolate. Chocolate is a nice little boost in the middle of the day, especially when you go with something that's high antioxidant. And if you can, no milk. If you stick with a healthier version of chocolate, it actually can help with your self awareness with your happiness levels. There's so many benefits to that type of chocolate. The higher the quality, the more return, right? So this one I want to talk about is called, Chocolove XOXOX. It's filled, dark chocolate mint cream. Those of you been listening to this podcast for a while, you know I love the combination of chocolate and mint. And I also love the combination of chocolate and coconut. Those are my go to, right. So the Chocolove dark chocolate mint cream is 55% cocoa content, no cholesterol, Rainforest Alliance, No artificial preservatives, no GMO, and wait for it, Peppermint oil. So it's got more of a kick, more of a lovely, beautiful kick to it. And it makes you happier. There's this beautiful thing about peppermint. It sort of snaps you into place like makes you more aware and also calms you down at the same time. How does it do that? Right? If you put it you know, back here on the tops of your shoulders anywhere, where are you feeling stress, peppermint oil, oh my gosh, it makes you feel so amazing. So yummy. So imagine it mixed with chocolate. I mean, right there, there's nothing going to stop you now. You can do anything, right? Bring your inner strength to life by pulling in things like peppermint that will enliven your senses and make you feel better about life in general. Peppermint awakens and relaxes, which is a perfect combination, when you are trying to change patterns in your life. If you want to choose to change your patterns, maybe right before you sit down to do a thinking session, or if you're going to be typing out some of your ideas, use peppermint oil. Eat a tiny square, not a whole bar, of dark chocolate, peppermint. Use peppermint, to your advantage. Increase your self awareness. Reach your goals faster, by choosing to change a pattern and bringing in any element. It doesn't have to be peppermint. Maybe the thing that really centers you is, I don't know, a sandalwood candle. Maybe the thing that really centers you, is sitting in nature. Maybe the thing that really centers you and gets your your senses alive, is just sitting on the floor cross legged. Everybody has a different thing that makes them feel centered, and makes them feel alive. So bring that into your planning sessions for how you're going to change your patterns. And that will increase your your effectiveness when you go to change everything. Now, your strength. When you tap into it deliberately, it makes you unstoppable. Recognizing your patterns should not be something that makes you feel horrible about yourself. Not. Not in any way, shape, or form. Acknowledging that there are things to change as being part of human. You could be... I consider myself somebody who is an expert on all of these things that I'm talking to you about today. However, I'm also a human being. And so I'm learning as I go in my own life. I notice patterns. Frequently, I change my patterns frequently. And then I find more patterns. Because as I grow and I develop, my life changes and new patterns need to be put into place. Some patterns which served me really well when I was 20, are not serving me really well right now. In fact, I'm going through right now, relearning how to schedule my day, because the way I used to schedule is not serving me in this place of my life at this time. It's important that I change so that I can grow and continue to change in other ways moving forward. So I'm assessing my patterns. I'm very self aware. And I'm choosing to change things and I'm actively following through. I'm using my superpowers. I'm using my strength, and I'm encouraging you to do the same. And recognize every person that you might listen to, everybody in the personal development arena, they go through the same stuff. They're looking at their patterns to. If they're good at what they do, they're listening to other people, maybe even listening to me, and taking notes. And they're changing their lives - changing their patterns deliberately, so that they can feel more fulfilled moving forward. So no guilt while you're looking at your patterns and you're becoming more self aware. No guilt, my love. Just go, hmm, I want to change that. And then actively pursue the act of changing it. With that blessings to each and every one of you. Value you You and the light that you have inside. Everyone has something beautiful to bring to the world. And with that in mind, I designed Energie Daily. In Energie Daily I help you slow down and pay attention to what's going on in your life so that you can find value at every turn and design a life that's more fulfilling. So do a little extra, check out Energie Daily on BetsDanko.Com and sign up today. Experience the wisdom that helps to motivate and empower you in relationships, business, family and most importantly, self celebration, getting the picture. It's wisdom and it's all about you want to hear the chocolate tune into Wisdom & Chocolate weekly