Oh Yes! You Are Enough

Yes, you are enough.  You are more than enough.  You have purpose, and you have value. But all of us seem to get into spirals of self doubt and self loathing.  Why? We forget.  We forget the value of our dreams, morals, and value.  Well that all needs to change.  Never forget again.  Sure… you can react to disappointments or even notice things about yourself you’d like to improve.  But do it with the understanding that above all else, you are enough.

 Wisdom and Chocolate is a common sense approach to Mindset Development, Self Empowerment, and Happiness. The real transformation in life begins with Celebration….so grab your coffee and chocolate…It’s time to Celebrate You!

Highlights:

Interaction vs Reaction

Disrespect

Understand Your Worth…and Walk Away

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Transcript

Unknown: 0:03

It's time to combine a guilty little pleasure with a new healthy habit. Kick up your feet and listen in. This is Wisdom & Chocolate.

Bets Danko: 0:14

This is Bets Danko and you are listening to Wisdom& Chocolate. If it's your first time, or you've come a few times just to see what it's all about, make sure that you hit follow so that you're notified every single time a new episode of Wisdom & Chocolate shows up. So, here we are talking about you, that's what we do here, we talk about you. And why don't we do that? Because every single one of us has something that we need to overcome, we need to feel better about, or we just need to master. Every single one of us is still learning, that is the thing about being a human, we're never done learning. You could be three years old, you could be 25 years old, you can be 80 years old, you can be 100 years old, and you're still learning, at no point in our lives, do we stop, and that's a fabulous thing. It's a fabulous thing, because that means that life is dynamic. Everything that we do gives us the opportunity to advance ourselves, every challenge that we have gives us an opportunity to value all of the beautiful things in our lives, and that's amazing. To be totally honest with you, it is amazing. So, when you're thinking like, you know, you're kind of in a rut, and you're not really moving forward, when you're feeling as though people don't understand you, feeling maybe isolated and alone, that's a challenge right there, that is a learning opportunity. That is an opportunity to flip things around and change whatever's going on so that you can feel better about where you're at and what's going on. So, today we're going to be talking about "you are enough." Ooh, we like that subject, right? Oh, yes, you are enough. So, to go along with this subject, I have a story. And it actually, it's sort of many stories smushed into one, but there's sort of a main story. So, um, I was with a good friend of mine at the DMV, I know, it's, it's the bad D word, Department of Motor Vehicles, I can't even say it, but here in Pennsylvania, you call it, uh, dot, and, which is, you know, doesn't seem as horrible when you call it that, it seems sort of more fun and upbeat. But the thing is, people are people, and everywhere you go, you see people, and people don't always behave the way you wish for them to, or you could anticipate them to behave. And so, this is what happened, I showed up with my friend at a local DMV, and we had a lot to take care of, and some of it required some testing. Now, the testing did not go as planned, and this friend of mine ended up, sort of very depressed, sort of very depressed, and anxious and angry, and this person was not angry at the people at the DMV, instead, she was angry at herself, and it was a sad thing, because this was an opportunity that she had to learn from what had just happened. This is the thing about tests, or even going into situations where you're not familiar, you are presented with the opportunity to learn, you're presented with the opportunity to show yourself what you do and do not know. So in those moments, when things don't go the way you want them to go, you have the opportunity to learn, adjust, implement change, and then step forward again. But in this moment, where everything sort of felt like it was falling apart, there was no moving forward. In fact, we needed to stay right there in that position in that emotion for at least a half an hour, and then, after that, there'd be emotion to follow, right? It's important to note that when I or anyone is telling you "pick yourself up, and move forward, and make different decisions," obviously, that is the action, what you need to do moving forward, but there also needs to be a reaction to what has just occurred, so emotion is totally fine. Not only is it fine, it's Something I recommend, get the steam out, get the anger out, get the frustration out, like just let it all out, right? Get it out ao you can be done with it, get it out so that it's presented in front of you, and you can sort of assess, "is this going to be okay? Am I going to survive this situation," right? You can't really assess those things unless you allow yourself to feel the emotion of the moment. So there we were, allowing the emotion to flow, allowing the anger and frustration to flow. And understand all of this anger and frustration had mostly to do with a timeline, like this, this particular thing that we went to the DMV for, there was a timeline involved. We needed everything to be accomplished on that day, like that would be optimal, right? But as in any situation, when something doesn't go the way you want it to, there always is opportunity for Plan B. Now, it may not be a Plan B that you want, but there's always a Plan B, because when you don't reach your goals, there are always consequences. You can allow the consequence, just, just the fact that it's there, to be what dictates your reaction, or, instead of using that as Plan B, you can choose to react a different way. You can go all into, "okay, we're fixing this mode, we're gonna get online, we're gonna figure out where we can go, and what we can do, and how we can take care of this, and what we can do with that, like, you can go into that mode, or you can continue the wallowing, right, these are choices that you have. You can immediately go to a plan B you have control in, or control of, or you can go into a plan B that is dictated by the reaction of negativity that you're giving the entire situation. You follow what I'm saying? So here we are, we're reacting, we're in this emotional state, and I, being the spectator, it's a little easier for me, because I'm the spectator, I decide to go into take control of the plan B mode. So I'm online, and we're figuring things out, how do we get, you know, a different one of these? How do we take care of that kind of a test? Where can we go to get this under control? How do we take care of, right? I'm asking all the questions, I'm figuring out what to do, and then I present, this is what we're going to do to the person who was with me. And that was very freeing for me, it gave me at that moment, it gave me purpose, wasn't quite freeing for her, she still needed to react. So by the time we were done with the reaction, she could pull herself together and we could go in and start on our plan B, it was a little late, it was a little late in the day, let's put it that way. People have schedules, people have places they need to go, including us, we had something that had to be done by the end of this day, and so our schedule was a little off, our understanding of other people's schedules, a little off, and so what started happening? As in most situations where we're faced with challenge, we start doubting ourselves. We get to the point where we're not just going, "Oh, I'm so upset I made that decision," but all of a sudden, it goes to "I'm so stupid, I can't believe I screwed this up. Isn't this typical of me," right? These are the go tos. this is what ends up happening when things aren't going your way. You forget your self-worth, you forget that you have value, your needs have value. It's not just the timeline that you're on, but you inside, you have purpose, you have value, and it's important that you accomplish your goals in order to amplify that value. And you hear me talking about goals all the time, your dreams, your goals, you got to go for the goals, I'm really pushing to get people to go for their goals, and one of the reasons why is exactly what I'm talking about right here, our self worth is tied up in accomplishment. And so we have to figure out how to accomplish things in order to get ourselves ramped up, and the more you can accomplish, the more ramped up you get, and it's a beautiful thing, it's kind of this natural high that is a really super awesome to take advantage of, right? So, again, taking you back to this situation I was talking about, the spiraling started happening because the timelines started becoming an issue. And so the spiraling lead to the"I'm so stupid, I can't believe I can't get this done, I can't believe I forgot to ask about that," Like, it just turned into something that wasn't helpful, but this is the way the human mind works. We've got this beautiful little center inside of our minds that is always looking for danger, and not so pleasant things. It's always scanning for this so that we can react in a way that is preserving ourselves, our bodies, our minds, it's constantly surveying what is going on around us. And so, in that survey, and so while we are survaying, we start reacting in negative ways, pulling ourselves out of motivation, pulling ourselves out of going for our dreams, right? We're trying to protect ourselves, we don't want to fail anymore, we don't want to feel what it's like when we get a consequence from not asking a question, we don't want to feel that, we don't want to feel heartbreak, we don't want to feel angst, or anger, or any of those negative feelings, we don't want to feel that, we would rather pull ourselves out of the situation. That's part of how we are wired, that's part of what this DNA we have inside of us, helps to dictate. So in this situation, where she's starting to spiral, and I've already got Plan B laid out, like I know exactly what she needs to do to make sure that she's in control of the situation, but in this moment, we start realizing what's at the root of everything that was going on. See, we start self-sabotaging when we are afraid of things. Have you ever been in a relationship where you say something stupid, you say something that man, I shouldn't have said that, that really hurt this person, that really upset this person. Maybe it led to a breakup of the relationship, maybe it led to a friendship that is no longer there because you self sabotaged, you did something you knew was going to hurt somebody, you know what I'm talking about? So, in a sense, because of a lack of self-esteem and self-courage, my friend made choices and decisions that actually led to the position that she was in. She had caused it in a way so that she wouldn't have to deal with failing later on, like failing early so you just get rid of the burn sometimes makes us feel better about the situation, or at least that's what we think. But in the long run, when you keep pushing, and you keep moving towards your goal, and you keep looking for a way to attain the things that you want, you feel more self-satisfaction you feel better about your life and about you. So here we are at the Chocolate Moment, and let me just tell you, the Chocolate today is pretty darn yummy. It is another chocolate that has orange, and I almost forgot what it was, it's another chocolate with orange in it, and as you know, I am very picky about fruit-flavored chocolate. It's hard to find one that I like, but this particular one, Endangered Species Chocolate, this is 60% Cocoa, dark chocolate, non GMO, Fairtrade, good stuff paired with a good cause, this is being paired with coral reefs, and there is information about the coral reefs on the inside of the outer flap. Now, this is a milder orange than most, it doesn't have the punch that I have talked about in some other chocolates, but this is a high quality chocolate, I really love the Endangered Species Chocolates. And so I would say that the mildness of the orange actually lends itself to the smoothness of the chocolate, so this is definitely one that you should check out. Now, our Chocolate Moment is all about disrespect. This is a continuation of a story, but it's also referencing a whole other story where I was out with the same person. We were actually shopping this other time, and I got to the checkout counter, and the person behind the counter was absolutely lovely, and he made a comment about how mild mannered I seemed to be, and I guess I am, I'm pretty mild mannered, I like to see things in a more positive light, I also can be pretty badass, like, I couldn't really get out there and defend and take care of, you know, but he actually asked me, "What is something that makes you mad? Does anything make you mad?" I said, "yeah, there is something that makes me mad, and pretty much every single time, it makes me mad, and that's disrespect." I don't do well with disrespect. Disrespect on many levels, but the kind where it's deliberate, or it's passive-aggressive, like, sometimes people are disrespectful, and they just don't even know, and, and so I can kind of give them a pass. Sorta. I'll react, and then I'll kind of go okay, but it's important to note that the way that I react to these things is maybe not the way you expect. Yeah, I will sometimes be right at the person and explaining in detail what it is that they've just done that wasn't cool. Absolutely, I defend myself, right. But for the most part, I react by going, "okay, yeah, as soon as this is done, I'm leaving and never coming back, because I'm going to remove myself from that situation, right." And so, on this particular day, when we were at the DMV, everything up until the breakdown, the spiraling, was lovely, the people were kind, very helpful, very generous of their time, there wasn't one person that I came in contact with that made me feel like we weren't important, it was actually quite nice. And those of you who live in Southern California, you're like, "What the heck," because I'm from there, and I know what DMV is like, there, so trust me, the ones here are not that way. These people were lovely, they were really super kind, but a thing happened, and this thing, wasn't deliberate at all, never would have done this on purpose, but I thought that the closing time of this location was

actually 4: 17:03

30, literally thought that. And when we walked back into the door, so that we could ask a couple questions, and make sure that our plan B was really going to work, somebody who worked there said, "Oh," and that was sort of a clue to me that something was wrong. And so I said, Are we too late? And she said, "You know what, just go ahead and wait, and they'll let you know if it's too late to help you," I'm like, "Oh, okay," I took I took her word on its value at that moment. She seemed like a kind human, she didn't seem to be somebody who was trying to throw me to the lions, like this seemed like an okay situation, so I waited, and while I'm waiting, I'm looking at the wall, and I'm looking at the payment options, and I'm, you know, just kind of settling in, I guess. And then all of a sudden, I look at the clock, and it says 4:20 clock on the wall, It's not my clock. And I thought, "Oh, we're pretty close to closing," and then we realize the clock is actually wrong,

it's actually 4: 18:20

16, okay. That time on our ticket is 4:11. Right at that moment, I look at the wall on a different side of the room, and I see that the closing time is 4:15. I did not know, I didn't know this was an honest mistake, I thought, "uh oh, okay, so we're not going to get anything done today, it literally is just going to be one question and then out the door, because I don't want to inconvenience people, I don't want to, you know, be rude." We get called in, we're standing in front of a woman who earlier had been so lovely, and she's super quirky. She's got all these multiple colors all over, and she wears a million and a half rings, and her clothes are always super awesome. And so I'm expecting the normal, bubbly person to be behind the counter, and that is not what happened. This was a very short woman who was doing her job, but wasn't happy about it. There was a another woman who was there, she was the one who initially told us "sorry, but you're not gonna be able to take care of these things today because you forgot to do this," right? She starts the passive aggressive talk, You see, people make mistakes, people literally do things"didn't you lock the door? Why, why are you taking this new person?" You know, we're right there, she's not talking to us, and then the woman who is supposed to be helping us says"I'm the one who pulled the number." And I'm like, "Whoa, without realizing that they're inconveniencing people, or I'm not sure what's going on here," so I immediately started dressing the question. The rudeness just grows and grows to the point that there's a look at the computer, and there's something that is not accurate, and my friend actually says, they're doing something wrong. It actually does happen. Like that's wrong. That fueled the anger and the looks even more, the disrespect grew, because at that moment, I realized, the last time we were here, this same woman was behind the counter, and I'm sure she could tell that she was the one who not everybody who does something that inconveniences you is doing helped us before, so to be told that she was wrong, yike, okay. There was disrespect, absolutely, and I was not happy. I was immediately angry, did not show it. Inside, I was bubbling because the disrespect was so unbelievable. What makes you mad? What is it that makes you mad? Is it the it because they have something out for you. They're doing that, the moments when you realize you neglected to do something, and sometimes, because they just don't realize there's something so now you're paying the consequence for that? Is it the moment when you realize people are not really trying to help wrong, and yes, right before I walked in there, I realized you? Is it the disrespect? Is it like the person at the store who asked me what really makes me mad? When I asked him what makes there was a time issue, but please understand that what you mad, he said everything. Are you that kind of person? By the happened in that room after that realization was completely being way, I didn't believe him because we're having a pleasant conversation that did not seem to be annoying him, so I don't propelled forward by them. I was prepared to ask one question and think everything makes him mad, but what what's your line, what's the line that you're not willing to cross without a walk out the door, but it just kept going. The the suggestions, reaction? Do you even know? Do you just react however, because you don't know how to react? Like Like, what's going on, what the questioning, all this kind of stuff, while we're standing actually makes you angry? Are you like me? Does disrespect really, mess with your calm? Your calmness on the inside, there, about why we were there and what was going on, so I got does that just get completely thrown out of whack when angry, the disrespect was absolutely insane. You see, at somebody is being passive-aggressive right in front of you, not even addressing you, but talking that moment, I realized it's after their work hours, yeah, about you? What is it that triggers you? Is it fruit in the middle of dark chocolate? What triggers you, because this is an Experience the Wisdom that helps to Motivate and Empower you in So, it's important that you understand your self-worth. At only, you know, a couple minutes, but it is after their important thing, you need to know what actually upsets you so the end of the day, your self-worth is what you have as the fuel to push yourself forward. You need to understand your self-worth, you need to know what your self-worth is all that you can put yourself in positions that allow you to work hours, and everybody hopes to leave at the time that about, and make adjustments accordingly. So I'm pretty self avoid that or overcome it before it even happens, and I'm about confident, I feel pretty good about myself. There are times, I mean, I'm human right? There are times when I spiral too, I get they're scheduled to leave. So I had compassion for them, but I upset, things don't go the way that I wished for them to, and to tell you how to overcome it before it even happens. And so now I'm just like, "What the heck, why am I even trying?" But I also have tools, tools that I teach, that I actually use, that's gonna sound really weird, because I'm about to tell you where I allow myself those moments, I take a deep breath, I talk to people who are close to me if I need to, and I reassess did not have compassion for the disrespect. that my reaction is probably not the best reaction. the situation, and make different choices, and I move forward. This is how I overcome those negative feelings. Challenges come when I, you know, I'm having a hard time figuring out, like, what could be my next step, maybe I feel like I've tried absolutely everything, and this is why it's so important to find somebody close to you to share your thoughts with. They might find angles that you didn't think about yet, so this can be extremely helpful for you, and it can be helpful for them, because when you help somebody else through a situation, you learn from it, and then when you're in a situation that's similar, you might handle it differently. Understanding your self-worth is very important so that you can make adjustments before situations arrise, but also, while situations arrise. relationships, business, family, and most importantly, self-celebration. Getting the picture? It's Wisdom and it's all about you. Want to hear the Chocolate? Tune into Wisdom & Chocolate weekly.