Stop Doubting Yourself

The very thing that holds you back gives you opportunity. And the things that you feel should be pushing you forward also give you opportunity. It's called life. Life equals opportunity. Every moment of your life becomes an opportunity to do things differently.

Wisdom and Chocolate is a common sense approach to Mindset Development, Self Empowerment, and Happiness. The real transformation in life begins with Celebration….so grab your coffee and chocolate…It’s time to Celebrate You!

Highlights:

Everyone Is Doing Their Best

Why Doubt Yourself When So Many Others Are Intimidated By You?

Allow Your Dreams To Direct Your Steps

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Transcript

0:03

It's time to combine a guilty little pleasure with a new healthy habit. Kick up your feet and listen in. This is Wisdom & Chocolate. Hello, hello, this is Bets Danko, and you're listening to Wisdom & Chocolate. And this podcast is gonna be a little short today, because it's just about giving you a pep talk. And every podcast is sort of that way. But today, the entire focus is on you, and making sure that you are free of self doubt. What? Like, you're probably comfortable with that self doubt, right? Because, when you have self doubt, you don't have to expect anything from yourself, and nobody else should expect anything from you. In fact, when you have self doubt, you have more of a tendency to hold back and not do too much. Maybe not exert your mind or your body beyond what you're comfortable with. Well, that's not how you get to the dreams and the plans that you have in life. You actually need to exert a little bit. And anybody who has ever told you that that's not the truth has been lying to you. Even in the world of personal development, if you think all you need to do is read one book, and you're done, oh my love, who told you that? No. Personal development on any level is a life-long journey, and it requires work. If you're not willing to put in the work, well, you may not progress. So I suggest putting in the work. And the work today that we're going to start with is compassion. Compassion toward yourself, and toward the other people around you. And most of us are very good at giving compassion to other people. It's the giving it to ourselves that we tend to not do so great at. And that's just not good. You need to treat yourself better, have compassion for yourself, so that you're not doubting yourself as often as you tend to. "Everybody is doing their best from their level of consciousness." You may have heard this, this is a quote from Deepak Chopra. And this quote is super important to understand. Everybody is doing their best. Whatever moment you are walking into their world or experiencing life with them, they're doing their best at that moment. Is that the best of their life? Maybe not. Maybe 10 years from now, they'll be phenomenal. Maybe they hit their peak five years ago, I don't know. But in this particular moment, it's the best they've got. And so we need to honor that. And if it's the best you got, well, you need to honor that too. Because you need to be your biggest and best cheerleader. And a cheerleader is going yes, you can do it. You've got it, go for it, go for it, right? They're, they're out there with the pom poms, and the big kicks, and the leaps, and all that kind of thing. And they're telling you "you've got this." And when you're doing that for you, like internally, you're constantly saying, "Yes, I can do this, I can do this," you just oh my goodness, the things that come your way. And the things that you can accomplish, the thinks you can think. Wasn't that Dr. Seuss? No matter who it was, it's important to recognize that the happier you are on the inside, and the more you're cheering yourself on, the more you are going to get done, and the more you will succeed. Yes. Don't live in self doubt. You need to do the work now. Put in the time. Think of you, think of the things that you want to get done, and then live up to your own expectation of cheerleading, and support yourself all the way to the finish line. So today's Chocolate, I know, it's a Chocolate moment already. Those of you who are used to the full length podcast, you're like, "what? How'd we get to Chocolate so fast?" But this chocolate bar surprised me. I really enjoyed this chocolate bar Equal Exchange, Fairtraded Organic Dark Chocolate. This was 55% cacao with almonds and sea salt grown by small farmer co-ops. And this was just amazing, because normally, when you look at the ingredient list, and they're just like three or four ingredients, and they all say organic, there's a good possibility what you're about to bite into is going to sort of be hard and maybe not super smooth. And that's not what happened. Yes, it was a crispy bar, but the taste and the texture, smooth, very, very good. And one of the things that was really interesting about this bar was that, I saw on the back of the label or the wrapper, I saw on the back, a gentleman's face. And he was smiling very big. And I thought, what is up with this? And this says, with your support, Equal Exchange is building an alternative trade system that puts power back in the hands of small farmers, workers, and chocolate lovers like you. And when you flip it over, you see that there's a great big story in there about the man whose face was on the outside. And at the top, it says, Let's build a better food system together. I love it. I love this because we get to see a face and put a face to the food that we're eating. It's kind of like knowing your local farmer. So when you go there, and you're like, "Yo, I'd like some corn." You could go "I trust this guy, known him for a while, nice face, I know that he's doing this organic, you know, I want to support." And so you purchase the core and you feeling good, feeling good about yourself, and the contribution you've made to your community. So when you see the face, and you understand the principles that the company works with, in providing high quality chocolate and supporting farmers at the same time, you feel good. And we want to feel good. While we're feeling good on our little taste buds, we need to feel good on a personal level, on an internal level, a heart level. And eating chocolate of this kind, an organic, does this, and it helps us to feel good about supporting better practices for farming. Because when we're eating organic, we're not pouring a bunch of pesticides and things into the dirt and then essentially killing entire ecosystems. So this was a lovely chocolate, and I highly recommend it. In the chocolate moment today, in this, we're talking about "why are you doubting yourself while so many are intimidated by you?" Oh, yeah. Calling you out? How many times have you done a thing, and you've doubted whether or not you could do it to begin with, and then you doubted whether or not anyone would like it. And then you doubted afterwards whether or not people were being sincere when they said they loved it. And meanwhile, everybody's coming up to you and going "that was amazing. That was fantastic." Like, that's happened to all of us at some point in our lives. And in those moments, we need to sit back and go, "Why did I doubt?" Because you got to know the why in order to change the way you're thinking and reframe your thoughts. This is where the work comes in, people. This is where you sit down and you journal, or you meditate, or you think, just go on a walk in nature and think about you. What a beautiful subject to think about, for real. And if you're like, "oh gosh, like, I don't want to be thinking about me the whole time," then you're not loving yourself enough baby, and you got to start working on that. You need to stop doubting yourself. And if you are doubting yourself, understand why. What is it that set you up for this type of brain pattern? What happened? At what point did you suddenly start thinking you weren't capable? Cuz you know, if we're all doing the best we can at each individual moment, and you recognize that, in any lifeti`me, we're talking about millions of seconds that we've experienced, right? If you're realizing this, and that second came and went, and now there's a new second, we have the opportunity to do something even bigger and better than before. Or we have the opportunity to feel compassion for ourselves, then why are we living in the past? It's one, one tiny second. Why not live a more empowered now? Why not motivate yourself to a more fulfilling future by letting go of the doubt and just allowing yourself to be in the moment? I highly suggest that. Like, be in the moment. Allow yourself to lift yourself up, be your cheerleader, and, and remind yourself that your thoughts and dreams hold power, and you are the person who can make these things happen. Don't doubt. When you doubt, you stifle yourself, and you stop yourself from moving forward. And if the doubt is in the form of "I don't know if I can do this," you're pretty much telling yourself that you need to doubt, because you can't do it. And if your doubt is saying things like "I screwed this up before, so I'm probably not going to do well this time." What are you doing? You're telling yourself you're not going to do wel this time. Change the way you're thinking. reframe it. Say to yourself, "I got this, I know that I can deliver on this." And don't even put the doubt in there. Well, if it doesn't work, you know, everything will be okay. Like, don't even go there. You know it's gonna be okay. Why even talk about it? Just say, "this is all good, moving forward." Allow yourself the opportunity to experience the fulfillment that comes from believing in yourself. Don't allow the doubt to creep in, don't allow the doubt to stifle you. Don't allow yourself to become unaware of the intimidation other people feel for you, or of you. When they're intimidated by you, you need to recognize why that is. What is it that they're seeing that you're not? When they believe in you, and they're saying, "Oh, my gosh, that was so amazing," why are they saying that? They're not just doing that to be nice. Don't even tell yourself that. Figure out what went right. What did they like? So I have a short little story. I had a really busy last three weeks, with like no days off, there was there was not one day where I could just sit back and do nothing. And I had offered to help out with a birthday party. And so what I was given was the task of decorating this room that I didn't get to see, I saw a video but that doesn't give you a lot of information. And I saw I didn't know the space of it, where the tables would be laid out, where people would be speaking from, I knew nothing. So I needed to come up with a plan to decorate that could be changed on the spot. And I came up with the plan. I started with writing out a list of everything that I thought needed to be done, sort of the highlights. And if you've never listened to the way that I keep myself organized, I suggest you listen to previous podcasts where I talk about this. I think the last one was episode 140, if I'm not mistaken. And so I had started by writing out all the main points, and then trying to figure out what do you need? What what do you need to purchase? What do you need to make? What do you need to, just, organize that you already have, like, I put everything in in different categories. And then I had a list that went on to planners saying "this is when you're going to do, XYZ." But every time I went to do the XYZ, something happened with work, good things, great things, all good things. But it took my time away from this personal event. And so on the day of the event, I kept looking down at the page, and I felt very disconnected from everything that I needed to get done. And no matter how long I looked at the page, I swear it was a different language. I wrote it, but it had to have come from a whole other planet because I was not looking at these things and understanding what needed to be done. And for an hour and a half, I might as well have just been sitting there rocking in the corner, because nothing was getting done. And then I finally was like, "I don't know how I'm going to do this." And I said to myself, I think I'm getting older, because I, like, just can't even seem to organize my thoughts. And actually said it out loud. Like what? Like I tell people all the time, don't do this stuff. Because I've learned from my own experience. But somehow I ended up back at that place. But very soon after that, because I recognize the pattern that was happening, I called to somebody and said, please come help me. Person came and helped me, and all of a sudden my brain started to open up. Like, light started shining in, and I started recognizing the beauty of the moment. And I started realizing, all you needed to do was ask for help. Like, all the sudden, everything is so easy, because you asked for help. And I got to take some deep breaths, and I got to look at the plans and then go, I don't need to do this. I don't need to do that. Like, my brain was clear enough that I recognized I can actually get rid of probably three quarters of the stuff that I plan to do, and still make sure that the event was going to be fabulous. And then I ended up going, I had two helpers putting everything up with me. It was fabulous. At the end, everybody was like, "thank you so much, this was amazing, it was beautiful." You know, there were so many compliments. And I sat there thinking, why was I so worried? All I needed to do was give myself space to breathe. All I needed to do was recognize I think I've hit my limit on what I can do by myself, and then ask somebody for help. Wow, there's a concept. Sometimes when we feel like there's no where, way we're going to accomplish anything. And we're so full of doubt, all we need to do is ask for help. And then we can power through. I needed extra hands, I needed somebody to do some of the things that I needed to do. And when that happened, everything was fabulous. Why are you doubting yourself, when so many are intimidated by your goodness? Why are you doing that? For me, I doubt myself in the moments when I don't give myself space to recognize I'm capable. When I start judging myself based on what's going on around me, instead of clearing my mind, I start going to doubt. Is that part of why you go to doubt? What is it that's going on with you? Is it something somebody has said to you? Is it it's an experience in your life, which has led you to believe that you're not capable? What exactly is going on? Have you journaled on that? Have you meditated on that? Have you given yourself space to figure it out? Why are you doubting yourself? Everyone's doing their best, including you. So there's no room for doubt in any given moment, because the next moment is going to produce something totally different. And we want to experience all of those moments and all of those differences, so that we can have a fruitful life, an interesting life, a fulfilling life. A life that has no challenge in it is not fulfilling, it's just a life. And sure, just the life can be good too, but challenge is what really gives you the spice. So stop doubting yourself. Listen to the beautiful things other people are saying to you, in order to remind yourself that you've got everything that it takes. So here's a little tip, allow your dreams to direct your steps. If you're in a place right now, when you're like I do, I doubt all the time. And I say horrible things to myself in my head all the time. If you're recognizing that, it's time to set out on a new journey. A journey filled with saying beautiful things to yourself, and flipping the script so that you're coming up with an alternate way of accepting yourself and loving yourself. So start with a gift that you've been given. Your dreams are gifts, your dreams are gifts to you. And you need to accept the dreams that you have, you need to celebrate the dreams that you have. Because in those dreams are opportunities in those dreams, or new moments, multiple moments where you can make a new impact, where you can revitalize the way that you feel about yourself, where you can lift yourself up, or you can be your own cheerleader. Every dream that you have gives you opportunity, just like challenges do. Isn't that interesting? The very thing that holds you back gives you opportunity. And the things that you feel should be pushing you forward also give you opportunity. It's called life. Life equals opportunity. That's the way we should be seeing it. Allow your dreams to direct your steps, they're given to you, so allow yourself to start going for your dreams, and the whole way, the entire way, I'm suggesting that you work in positive thinking and positive words, so that they go hand in hand. Dream, love it. Dream, opportunity. Dream, I can do that. Dream, I am going to get everything that I am working toward, right? When you start marrying the positive words and positive sentiments and positive thoughts with the dreams, they become one. They're sort of squished together. They're sort of heat treated till they're working together with one another. When you can smush them together in such a beautiful way, then everything about the dream becomes positive. But it takes work. Because you're going to want to fall back into those old patterns. And you're going to have to be saying to yourself, "no, I don't want those patterns." And when you're able to do that, and you can move forward in a more supportive, cheerleader sort of way, oh my gosh, what will come from that is just amazing. So allow your dreams to direct your steps, and allow yourself to smoosh the positive stuff up into those dreams so that you can really experience things on a high level. Everyone is doing their best, including you, at every moment of their life. That doesn't mean that one moment defines your whole life. It means that every moment of your life becomes an opportunity to do things differently. So let's change the way you're looking at your life now. Have compassion, have a kind heart, and speak to yourself in a fabulous way. Because while you're sitting there doubting yourself, somebody around you is feeling intimidated by your greatness. And you need to recognize that what they're seeing is what you should be seeing about you. I am determined to increase self awareness and help people to really value what it is that is special about who they are and what they can bring to the world. And with that in mind, I designed this fabulous program called Celebrate You, to help you slow down and pay attention to what's going on in your life, so that you can find value at every turn, and design a life that is more fulfilling. So do a little extra. Start Celebrating You by checking out Celebrate You on BetsDanko.Com and signing up today. Experience the Wisdom that helps to Motivate and Empower you in relationships, business, family, and most importantly, self-celebration. Getting the picture? It's Wisdom and it's all about you. Want to hear the Chocolate? Tune into Wisdom & Chocolate weekly.