Stop Giving Fear Control

If you're saying, “I hope I can,” you're leaving a door open… one you can sneak out through when things don't go well. That's not serving you. In fact, that's you allowing fear to take control. That's you giving fear the power over your speech. Yikes!  It’s time to let go of the fear…let go of the chaos…let go of the drama.

Wisdom and Chocolate is a common sense approach to Mindset Development, Self Empowerment, and Happiness. The real transformation in life begins with Celebration….so grab your coffee and chocolate…It’s time to Celebrate You!

Highlights:

Love Yourself Into A Personal Evolution

Don’t Let Fear Stop You

“I Hope I Can,” Is Not A Strong Enough Statement

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Transcript

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0:03

It's time to combine a guilty little pleasure with a new healthy habit. Kick up your feet and listen in. This is Wisdom. & Chocolate. This is Bets Danko. And you are listening to Wisdom & Chocolate. And today we're going to talk about letting fear stop you, as in, don't. What are you doing allowing fear to stop you. It's time to just knock that off, right? It's time to just move forward in your life and forget all about all of that fear that has been bothering you every step of the way. And why? Because fear doesn't serve you. Fear is one of those things that just takes up space. You know, it clutters your mind. It fills you with a sense of insecurity, that is just not cool. And as I'm sure you're aware, by now, I'm all about the cool, man. I'm all about doing things that make you feel better about yourself and about your life. Look at what fear does. It stifles you. It slows you down. It stops you. It gives you the opportunity to make excuses instead of taking steps. It doesn't do anything to help you feel empowered, motivated. It doesn't do anything to help you get on that phone call to get the things that you need and the things that you want. It does nothing for getting you to your goals. All it does is fill you with excuses. We don't need excuses. Oh my goodness. And I think there's another side of this too, that we need to sort of acknowledge. And that is that, sometimes you get over the fear and you go to do something, and it still doesn't turn out the way you hoped. And that can really mess with your mind, right? You start thinking, "Okay, that's it, I'm not going to have fear anymore. I'm just gonna go do the thing." And you go do the thing, and it doesn't turn out right. And you go, "see, I never should have done this." Well, no, no, here's the thing. Sometimes the things that matter the most take the most work. Sometimes, the things that will get you more out of life, have to be earned. Not everything comes easily. In fact, most things in life don't come easily. So if you are sitting there worrying and wondering whether or not you should do something because you've had fear in the past, and things didn't go your way in the past, and you've tried it a second time and a third time and things didn't try, or sorry, things didn't go the way you wanted to then either, you need to try it again. Like maybe the fifth time is the golden time. Maybe time number six. And the way that you get through this is not to keep beating yourself up because you just didn't make it yet. The way to get through it is to enjoy the process. Change your mindset to the point that you enjoy the challenge so that every time you get out there, you're just loving the fact that you're trying again. If you fear failure, then you're never going to succeed. Yike, right? But it's the truth. Mindset shifts can really make things unfold and the biggest shift that you need to make is to see challenges as opportunity instead of things that hold you back or hold you down. Mindset shifts can make things unfold - the things that you want - the things that you're choosing. Now, you need to make sure what you're choosing is realistic. I mean, if you decide, "I want to be a piano player," well, you can take lessons and you can learn how to play piano. If you decide you want to be a chef, again, you can take lessons and you can become a chef. If you decide, okay, right here right now I am going to start making those sales calls and I am going to kill it no matter how many times people say no to me, well, then you can sit down and make those calls. That's determination. That's motivating yourself to be the best that you can be. All you have to do is shift the mindset. And I know how that sounds. 'All you have to do', I know. It's not always that easy. But you got to love yourself into your own personal evolution. If you don't love the things that you say are your goals, if you don't have passion surrounding those things, then those goals mean nothing. You need to have a real drive, a real desire, a real need to get to the things that are your goals. I was talking to this fabulous woman, I know, Jackie Hooper, who owns Sound Advice Entertainment. And we were talking about goals that you have - things that you really want out of life. And we were comparing different business goals that we've had. And the conversation turned to the fact that when you have a need, a very deep need, like you must get this done, you are more apt to get to your goals. Don't get me wrong, if you're sitting back thinking, I really want to learn how to crochet, well, you can learn how to crochet. It's not like not having a really serious need, or a really serious drive will not get you to a place of learning something new or experiencing something new. But, if you want really deep, big, major change in your life - say you want to, I don't know, make your first million by the time you're 30. There has to be a passion that is so strong inside of you, that you are always understanding that goal is waiting for you and you're doing everything you can to get there. Now, of course, you need to make sure that all of the elements of your life are in place. It's not like you're so dedicated to that one goal that you forget about your family, you forget about your health, you forget about your mind, or your spiritual life. No, all of those things need to be in place, and they need to be in balance. But you always have that deep need. You have to get to that goal that you've had all of your life. Or maybe something recently has changed. Maybe you've had a situation with your home or a situation with a relationship where you must get to that goal and it has to happen now. In fact, let's talk about that for a moment. Maybe, maybe you've had just this lovely life, everything's been cool and calm and you've just really weathered all of the challenges and everything's been fabulous. But recently, recently, something very dramatic has happened. Perhaps it was a divorce. Perhaps there was some child custody involved. Perhaps there's some property involved. And all the sudden your understanding of your life and the way life works in general, has changed. And you have to change your entire mindset. Because the life that you had, is now something very different than it was. And you need to really focus on the passions that you have, in order to make it through and fulfill all of the needs that you have. This would be a time when you love yourself into a personal evolution. This is a time when your mindset shifts make the difference that get you to a more fulfilling life. And let's be totally clear, you don't have to have like something that traumatic happen. Maybe it's just as simple as you're in college and all of a sudden college is done. Like that can be a really, really traumatic change for a person in their life, where they're suddenly really depending on themselves. And they have to do a lot of shifting of mindset in order to make things unfold for them. Maybe, you know, studying has been your whole life and now you got to get a job, holy moly. Like, that mindset shift has got to come in, it's got to come fast because you're now in charge of paying for everything yourself. What? You got to love yourself and feel fulfillment in your own goals and dreams. And if you got to take a job that isn't super fulfilling now, never lose sight of the dreams that you have so that you can work toward the things that you want. Now I was recently having a conversation with somebody about whether or not you need a college degree. Do you get one? Do you not? What's the deal, right? And my argument was, man, I made it pretty far in business without having a degree. Like I just came out of high school. I did have some college but a lot of different things were happening and I couldn't get enough funding for for college even though my grades were like I was almost a 4.0. I was super close. But I still was having difficulty. And I ended up in the workforce. And I had an entry level job that trained me to do some pretty awesome things that got me to a different level job and another company, and so on and so forth until I made it into the entertainment industry. And the thing that was so funny was when I first went to Los Angeles, I thought, 'I'm going to be a dancer.' Like, this was the thing. I'm going to be you know onstage. I'm just going to be performing all the time. But a car accident changed all of that. And I ended up in the workforce, just doing whatever job I could find. But I ended up back in the entertainment business. I wasn't, well, I did dance, sometimes. I would do shows and things on the weekend. But I wasn't doing that as my primary job. But I was in the entertainment industry. And I had worked my way to that point. And it wasn't easy. I had to learn a lot of things, I had to stay very dedicated, I had to be a responsible human being. And even though I could have gone to college and maybe gotten into one of these companies a different way, I still would have had to work my way up. But I didn't, I didn't go to college. And so my argument was, you can choose to not go the same route that other people do. The road might be harder, but the rewards might be greater. And the rewards for me were that I have a very well rounded understanding of multiple industries, because I worked my way to what I felt was pretty close to the top. I am determined to increase self awareness and help people to really value what it is that is special about who they are and what they can bring to the world. And with that in mind, I designed this fabulous program called Celebrate You to help you slow down and pay attention to what's going on in your life so that you can find value at every turn, and design a life that is more fulfilling. So do a little extra. Start celebrating you by checking out Celebrate You on BetsDanko.Com and signing up today. And here we are at the chocolate moment. Yeah. We're at the portion of the show where we talk about a chocolate. And for those of you who've never heard this podcast before, yes, it's called Wisdom & Chocolate because we do actually talk about chocolate. And today's chocolate is VGAN. So V-G-A-N chocolate. Dairy free chocolate with coffee beans. Now, this has a lovely label on the front of it that says Mercy For Animals, organic, 44% Cocoa, non GMO. It's dairy free, gluten free soy free. So as some of you might be going, does it have taste? And it does! It's actually quite good. And a lot of times when you get this kind of chocolate, it's sort of crisp in a way that's not smooth at all. And maybe it has a little bit of a powdery feel to it while it's on your tongue. This is actually a lovely chocolate. Cane sugar, cocoa, organic cocoa butter, cocoa cream, coconut cream, rather, coconut sugar - it's pretty heavy on the coconut. But you don't taste the coconut, what you taste is the chocolate and the coffee beans. So, so, so good. And because there's no actual milk in it, it gives so much more opportunity for those of you who cannot have milk. So this is one that I do recommend. And I have to be a little, well, basically, I need to bring this back to our overall theme, which is, don't let fear stop you, because I looked at it. I read it. I thought, oh my gosh, this packaging is fabulous on this chocolate. I need to try this. But I have a sensitivity to caffeine. And I decided, I'm just going to take a little bite and I'm going to have somebody else taste it. And lo and behold, that little bite was absolutely yummy. And the other person who tasted it thought it was a very good chocolate - to the point that she had a few pieces of it. So I do recommend it. Now, now sometimes fear can actually be a good thing because it saves you from getting yourself into a challenging situation which can actually harm you. And of course, I'm not telling you, Oh, you know what, if you see somebody standing there outside a van, just like staring at you look sort of shady, just walk right past them. No. Allow yourself the opportunity to sense the fear and maybe get back in your car. Observe the situation before you go any further. Fear can be of service to you. It's not like everybody should just go, fear... whatever, and just, you know, run out into the world not caring about their personal physical safety. No. Fear can serve you. Realism can serve you. So while I was looking at the chocolate thinking, Oh, should I try this, the realism kicked in. Okay, you're sensitive to caffeine. If you have just a tiny bite, you'll be fine. You shouldn't have the whole candy bar. Right? Like the fear doesn't serve you in this situation, but being realistic about what is good for you, super important. So listen to that little voice that's trying to save you on the inside. Don't eat the whole bar. And that's something that's probably true in any chocolate situation. You probably shouldn't eat the whole bar. Jaust saying, just saying. So here in the chocolate moment, we're talking a little bit more about fear. And I want to bring in drama. I just got an email about a local theater doing a project. And this particular theater has a lot of drama associated with it. Now to be clear all theaters do. Every time that you're in a theater experience, somebody there has an ego or somebody there wants to undermine somebody else. There's like, there's always a thing. And even in situations where I've directed, I've had lovely people, like so amazingthe people, and then there's that one person, right? And you do everything you can to just make them happy and put them somewhere where they're not going to bother people. But sometimes, that that stress that they bring, the drama that they bring, can permeate the whole room. So it's important that in the situations when you have brought in drama, that you push it away, and or run away from it. Drama doesn't serve you. And sometimes fear and drama are the same thing. Sometimes you're afraid so you create drama, so that you have an excuse. And people don't need to know what the real reason is. And you can just walk away. It is important that we take ownership of our actual feelings, our actual states of mind. We need to own who we are and what we are about. If you are going into a situation creating drama, so that you can alleviate some problem that you have, you're only creating a situation that is harder to get out of. If you just own up to what it is that's bothering you, then the cleanup from the situation is a whole lot easier. All you need is a broom, instead of a mop and a bunch of cleaner and maybe some huge towels. Like the biggest industrial mess that you can possibly think of, that's basically what it's like to have to clean up drama. Nobody needs that. You do not need drama. What you need is to own your feelings, state your feelings, and then act from a place of reason. Run from the drama. Run from your own drama. Run from other people's drama. Run into a place of happiness and security. In fact, start with a lovely sprint and then move into a a jog. A jog of freedom - arms out. You are free from the drama, right? Like just let it go. Don't let the fear create drama and don't allow that fear to stop you. Just run away from that drama and let it go. You don't need it. Make the choice to move beyond the drama. There are a lot of people out there where what I'm saying is absolutely impossible for them. And the reason it's impossible for them is because they don't want to do the work. They don't want to change their mindset. What they want to do is hold on to all of the things that they have dealt with all of their lives. All of the fear. All of that drama. All of the pulling themselves down, hiding behind other people. Maybe making themselves smaller, so they don't offend people. No. It is not impossible for you to move beyond this drama. You can make the choice to move into something that's more like abandon, right? Jogging into a sense of abandon with your arms out to the side. Happiness, right? This requires mindset shifts, but my goodness, you're listening to this podcast, so there's something inside of you that's telling you it's time to change my mindset. And maybe it's the swabs of people coming at you with their chaos and their drama. I don't know. But if they're knocking you down, all of these people, you're giving them too much power. So the way to take your power back is to look fear in the face and say, 'I don't need you...can make my own choices now.' And thus relieving yourself of all drama, relieving yourself of all chaos. If they're knocking you down, you're giving them too much power. Let it go. And if fear is knocking you down, you're giving fear too much power. Let it go. There are many times I talk to people about the goals that they have in their lives. And we talk a lot about what it is that they're passionate about. And I'm always struck by the people who have no idea what they love in life. They don't know where their passions lie. They're just sort of going through life without any purpose or reason. It's, it's frightening to me, actually, for them. I feel frightened for them, that there is no direction. And then there's another group of people who, no matter how hard they try, they have a very difficult time saying, I will do this, or I can do this. What they say instead is I hope I can, or I hope I will, or I'll try, right? These are all cop out phrases. These are phrases that give you the opportunity to turn your back on the things that actually mean something to you. If you're saying I hope I can, you're leaving a door open, that you can sneak out through when things don't go well. That's not serving you. In fact, that's you allowing fear to take control. That's you giving fear the power over your speech. Oh, my goodness! And who's talking to you more than anybody else in your day to day life? Uhh hmm. It's you. You're the one who talks to you 24/7. Even in your dreams, you're talking to yourself. So you better start saying stronger and kinder things. Tell yourself I can and say to yourself, I will make commitments and then follow through on them. I hope I can is not a strong enough statement. It says nothing except, I'm filled with fear. Uh, no. Let go of the fear. Let go of the chaos. Let go of the drama. Say, "I can." Shift your mindset to make things actually unfold in your life. Don't let fear stop you. Run away from fear and into abandonment. You don't love drama. You may think that you do but it's holding you back. And if you really want to be fulfilled, you need to stop allowing fear to run your life. Have you ever tried to build your own web page or build your email list or make your first sale online or sell a class? It can be confusing to build and patch together all the systems to sell and track within your own business. But here's the secret, Kajabi. I love Kajabi. It is the most popular system used by influencers, creators, and thought leaders out there today. Over 100,000 People use it to build and sustain their businesses and have made over $4 billion collectively while using Kajabi. You don't have to jump in all crazy like and try to figure out a bunch of different systems and technology. Kajabi helps you do it all. It's an all in one system. That's why I use it. Simple. You can build your web pages, blogs, podcasts, membership sites. You can create checkout pages and offers to accept payments. You can host your videos, online courses, and live trainings. You can finally start your email lists, Newsletter Lists and build marketing funnels all in one place. It is so easy, and it's all in Kajabi. They make it easy with tutorials, live webinars, support articles, and even templates that look amazing. Head over there and try a free trial. Head over there and try a free trial. Just head to the bottom of this podcast info and click or cut and paste the link. It's Kajabi. Try it for free. Did you know most creators have over 10 different tools to run their systems online. That's just a time drain. Your customers have to log into a bunch of different systems in order to fully follow you. And worse, you and your teams are all in different places trying to track and figure things out. Who wants that, right? Kajabi is your CRM, Website Builder, email provider, payment system, your whole business in one place. Upsells, offers, checkouts, funnels, analytics, memberships, masterships, everything in one place. If you're passionate about your business and your brand, start a free trial, head to the bottom of this podcast and click on or cut and paste that link. Click the link and get started today. Experience the wisdom that helps to motivate and empower you in relationships, business, family and most importantly, self celebration. Getting the picture? It's wisdom and it's all about you. Want to hear the chocolate? Tune into Wisdom & Chocolate weekly.