The Power Of Belief

When you've got a very strong belief in something, understand it all the way down to the ‘why.’ Know who you are. Understand what you believe in and how that affects you.  Understand how that affects your relationships and your ability to be compassionate with others so you can be sure that is the path you are willing to stand on. 

Wisdom and Chocolate is a common sense approach to Mindset Development, Self Empowerment, and Happiness. The real transformation in life begins with Celebration….so grab your coffee and chocolate…It’s time to Celebrate You!

Highlights:

If You Can’t Find A Nice Person, Be One

No One Can Teach You About You Except You

The Citizenship Test

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Understand what you believe in and how that affects you.  Understand how that affects your relationships and your ability to be compassionate with others so you can be sure that is the path you are willing to stand on.  Wisdom and Chocolate is a common sense approach to Personal Development, Self Empowerment, and Happiness. 

Transcript

0:03

It's time to combine a guilty little pleasure with a new healthy habit. Kick up your feet and listen in. This is Wisdom & Chocolate. Hey, you have found yourself at Wisdom & Chocolate. And this is Bets Danko. I am going to talk to you today about belief. In BetsDanko.Com, this is the theme of the month, a lot of the content is stemming from understanding the word belief. So we're going to be talking a lot about belief. And in particular, we're going to be talking about your personal belief. And this might trigger you. But what is the point of this podcast except to trigger your thoughts about your life and about the things that you believe about who you are and where you're headed in life? Now, I've had a, a lot of change and shift in my life, as I'm sure all of you have in the last four years. And one of the biggest changes has been that I am more aware of people's disrespect. And the thing is that disrespect has always been a trigger for me. Like, anytime anybody has treated me in a disrespectful way, I have had an emotional response to that. I do not like that. I am equal to you, so treating me in a disrespectful way is essentially you treating you in a disrespectful way, but projecting it at me. And it's very upsetting to me to be on the receiving end of that sort of thing. Well, it's even worse now than it ever was before, because I find that so many people are just so willing to attack one another these days, without recognizing that we are the same. And no matter how many labels you use, no matter how many barriers you put up, how many terms you use in order to separate us and create a barrier, I'm sorry, we're all still living on the same earth. And we're still human. Hmm. No label is going to change that. And so when I'm on the receiving end of somebody's disrespect, and I recognize that it is they who have an issue with themselves, they don't believe that they are good enough, therefore they're going to attack other people. I, my first reaction is to, like the fur goes up on my back, like, like I'm a cat or goat, like, I immediately get mad. I used to allow that kind of stuffed a sort of roll off of me, I would acknowledge "Well, that wasn't very kind," and then I would just go about my day. I'm not that way anymore. And I have to say that I'm not happy about that. I'm not happy about it because the negativity affected me. And where am I going with this? I allowed the negativity to affect me. And so now I literally have conversations with myself. So when people are disrespectful to me, when they imply I have poor judgment, when they imply that I am a dishonest person, when they imply that oh my goodness, I don't know. I'm deliberately doing something to offend them, whatever, I literally have to talk myself off the ledge. I literally have to pull back and go, "Okay, what's at the root of this? Why are they doing this to you? Why are they deciding that your feelings don't matter? Why are they this? Why are they that? How can you affect change in a positive way? Will talking to them help this situation? Will remaining silent help the situation?" Ultimately, the peace in the situation is your goal, while preserving your heart. This is the kind of conversation that I have. And almost always, I get to the point pretty darn quickly of recognizing that they're the ones with the problem, it's not me, just go on with my life, right? There are times when the the attacks have been going on for so long, or they're just so brutal, that I have a harder time getting over it, I have to admit. But I still have the conversations with myself, and I finally am at this place, really honestly, at this moment, in this moment of time while recording this, I am finally at a place where I am not angry or frustrated with anyone. I'm in a place of peace, because I've spoken to myself, and I've put things in perspective. And this is super important. And this is something that we all need to embrace. If you're acting out of you no harsh judgment, like suddenly you just have this feeling, this emotion, this sense and you're acting out of that. Ah oh my goodness, no. Pause. Take a moment. Collect yourself. If you can't find a nice person, be the nice person. And if that nice person is having a hard time coming out, because your mind is racing, and you're holding on to all of that negativity, just going around and around on that hamster wheel, you need to jump off. You need to jump off. Be the nice person. Believe in humility. Give yourself the opportunity to create peace. Trust me when I say, when you are the nice person, anybody who attacks you is just making themselves more ugly, and they deserve your pity. If you can't find a nice person, be one. Believe that being the nice person brings you peace. Because when you really own that, it does bring you peace. If you're living in the frustration of "why did they treat me like that," you're just going to be frustrated, you're just going to be unhappy. And trust me, a person who has a heart that likes to beat in its own special way, it's so important to remain peaceful and calm and loving. It, on a health level, supports you more to be the kind person. And you may wonder, like, how can I even get there because I, I am frustrated with people all the time, and nothing you're saying is making sense to me. Because I'm in frustration just because they're doing something. Uh, mm, no, sorry. But you're the one who's choosing to react that way. You're choosing to engage. If you're frustrated and upset, take a step back. If you've just gotten a phone call, and they're just yelling at you, just say "I hear you," and say, "I will get back to you" or "I hear you, I don't agree, but I understand you're upset," you know, give them their feelings, but you don't need to attack back. If they text you with something that is unkind. Don't send a bunch of negative words back to them. Don't send anything that is painful, you don't want to create a wound. And you definitely don't want evidence of it. Make sure that whatever it is that you are doing helps you to cultivate a kindness, not just in you, but ultimately, maybe not today or tomorrow or next week or next year, but ultimately a kindness within them. Knowing can teach you about you and how you react to things. You know this inside of yourself already. You know what upsets you, you know what hurts you. So start with those things. Start with reframing those things. And like I said, I don't like disrespect, I find it so, so unkind, to be disrespectful to people. So that is a trigger for me. So that is a thing that I hone in on. I'm upset about this. So there must be an element of disrespect. What is it that they said, that I am choosing to react to this way about? That's where I start. And then I reframe it, and I make it something kinder, so that I can feel okay with how I am behaving. And it may not seem like it, but this definitely all goes back to belief. If you are sitting there sort of, umm, you know, boiling up inside, and you're super angry with everybody around you, there is a belief inside of you that you are being attacked. And maybe, on some level, you are. But if you believe you can overcome that, if you believe you're stronger than that, if you believe that your sense of goodness needs to be preserved, then you can overcome. So believe in you, believe in kindness, believe in being the nice person. And ultimately, all of you, the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual sections of you, will be preserved through that action. Now there is a lovely young lady in my life who I love so dearly. And she gets depressed from time to time about the state of the world. And, and I'm using her as an example. But to be honest with you, there have been many people who I've spoken to who have become depressed with what's going on in the world. And I think that it was sort of brewing before COVID bit, but then COVID happened and we really were brought to the point of having to look at the people that we looked up to. People were falling left and right. Things that they said they believed in, they didn't believe in, there was a dishonesty that we were all becoming aware of because of the way people were changing. They were changing their entire belief systems, and they were overcome with fear. And so, around the time that COVID started, I think we all sort of had a sense that things were changing. And then all of this changed very suddenly, the whole world, the way people were behaving and interacting with her own fear. And it never really went away. People couldn't backslide and say, "Oh, no, I didn't say that we shouldn't, you know, love everyone. I didn't say that everybody should get the vaccine, no matter what." Like, "I didn't say that I hated this political person, I didn't say..." You couldn't backtrack. People were putting it in writing, they were putting it in their social media posts, they were texting it, they were having conversations about it. And there was no way to backtrack. You can't believe one thing on one day, and then out of fear, change your entire belief system the next day, and then claim that you never said that the following day. Now, I know people do that all the time. But what I'm saying is, if you're somebody who is paying attention, and you're actually listening to what people say, or you're actually reading what they say, then you'll you'll start catching all of these nuances, where people are backtracking, or trying to, and then trying to claim that they never thought the thing that they said they thought two weeks ago. And the fact that we have social media, and then we can scroll through things very quickly and judge things very quickly, it, you know, it makes it easy to forget things from one day to the next. It's like we're being flooded with information so much and so often that we forget that somebody said something yesterday. And so in a way, we're hoping that that lack of connection will serve us when we're trying to backtrack and claim we never said a thing. But in the long run, it is far better to own what it is that happened. And it's far better for you to express how it is that you feel.

Now this young woman, she was in high school at the time that COVID hit. And the true colors of some of her teachers came out, which was really super tragic. There were teachers who were making derogatory remarks in their online classrooms about people who were like her family. And, um, it, it affected her very deeply. People were being calling, or people were calling her out in real time. And then students were joining in and laughing at some of the derogatory things that were being said, it was really quite sad. But it was because it was real time and she was being attacked, even if they didn't know it on there, she realized that she was different. She realized that other people thought she didn't have value. She realized, in real time, that people say horrible things about one another. And as she's gotten older, and now she's in college, she goes through bouts of depression because she is aware that everything seems to be a mask. And so it's hard to find very genuine people who actually believe what they say, and who aren't going to change their ideals and their morals just because of fear. It's hard to find those kinds of people. But here's the thing: 12:10

The moments when she feels strongest, when she feels really confident in who she is, and how she fits into the world, she knows what she stands for. Even if it goes against what a big group of people around her stand for, she knows who she is. She has confidence, and she's strong, and she's very direct. She's going to kindness about her, and people make assumptions about people like her, but that does not define her. When she gets to those places where she understands that, she is no longer depressed about the world around her. You need to believe in yourself and you need to know who you are. And recognize that in those moments when you feel like you're being attacked, it's probably because, well, maybe they are trying to attack you. But you're not owning who you are to the point that you don't care. If you're strong enough that you can stand your ground, then the attacks won't matter. Depression over the state of the world doesn't serve you. Stand for what you believe, and know what it is that you believe. No one can teach you about you. You're the only one who knows what's going on inside your mind. You're the only one who truly understands what you believe. And trust me, even if there's a whole group of people all stand together and say, "We are the chipmunks, and we are mighty," you know, whatever the thing is. Even if they're standing in solidarity and they say they believe the same thing, I am telling you with 100% certainty, each and every one of them has had a different life, even if they grew up in the same household, they are all different. And so they all have differing opinions about certain elements, even if they claim that they stand 100% with that group. No one can teach you about you except you. Even if you're standing in a group of people that you are, you know, you believe the same things, there's always something that is very different. Own that. Stand for who you are. And that doesn't mean that you have to push it in people's faces. Oh, my goodness, no, we don't need to do that. But if in a conversation, people ask your opinion, actually have an opinion. And be respectful about it, and be humble about it to the point where if they want to give you a rebuttal, like, I don't believe anything that you just said, you can stand and listen to them. It's okay to listen, you don't have to believe the way that they do. But it's important that you understand they have an opinion. And it's important that you respect them in that opinion. Now, I'm sort of just, you know, gliding past the chocolate moment, but I do want to share something with you. I didn't buy this chocolate. I just have, you know, a an aversion, I guess, to chocolate having legs. I'm just not that into that. But I was thinking this last week, because there's such a push for no more meat, factory grown food sources, having people eat bugs, creating bug factories so that we are eating our protein from bugs, like there's a big push for this. I don't know how big, like, is this really a serious thing? I don't know. I'm not into conspiracy theories or any kind of thing, but I did see that there was conversation around bugs. And apparently there are places where they grow bugs for people to eat. There are chocolate covered bugs. You know, I will never deliberately eat a chocolate covered bug. I find like I said that chocolate with legs is just not very appealing to me. But I'm wondering if any of you have tried chocolate covered bugs? Is it some something you would even be interested in trying? And if you did try it, was a sort of a salty flavor? Was it sort of crunchy? Like, how are these bugs served? Are they like in a sauce normally, but when you put it in a chocolate they're, they're like, you know, Rice Krispies inside of chocolate? Like, what is that? Like, I don't even know. I can't, I can't even begin to accept that understanding for myself. So teach me what it is that you have experienced eating chocolate covered bugs. Now, right there was an example of allowing people to be who they are going to be, and not having depression over the state of the world, knowing what I stand for, right there. If the state of the world is that we are going toward an environment where we're eating bugs, that's fine. But if you cover him with chocolate, and maybe if you don't, maybe if it's just a big plate of bugs, I really don't want to take part in that. This is something that I stand for. A chocolate with legs is not a thing for me. I do not want to take part in that. But I need to allow other people to have their opinions and to go about things in their own way. If they wish to eat bugs, oh my goodness, it's not appealing to me, but if they wish to do that, that's totally fine. This is part of being a nice person, a kind person. Recognizing that everybody is in their own individual evolution, and recognizing that people may choose to do things like eat bugs, and it should be okay with me. So it is. Now, I want to share with you another story. I took a citizens, citizenship test. Not to say it, obviously, because I have a difficult time with that. But I took a test over these last couple days. And it was just for fun. It's one of these things where, you know, online, or maybe it was an email, I don't know, it's like, do you want to see how you would fare on a test for citizenship? Because I grew up in the United States, how much do I actually know? And how much do I pay attention? Right? And so I took the test, it was only 10 questions. So I thought, not a lot of time, not a big deal. But there was stress. There was such stress. It was like, "Oh my gosh, if I fail this test, and I'm an American, what does this say?" Like, "I should know." And there are times when I'm watching videos, you know man on the street videos, and people are asking people things about politics and whatnot. And I, oh, its just so sad to say, but a lot of people have no idea what they're talking about. And and after a couple of questions, they start realizing they have no idea what they're talking about. And I find it so important that if you've got an opinion on a political thing, and you state what your opinion is, and somebody is giving you information on that, I definitely believe you should go investigate. Really look into the question that they asked, and why didn't you know the answer? And if you're really strongly standing in solidarity with the people who were believing this stuff as well, make sure that you understand your part in it. Do you really believe this? And if you do believe it, know why. So here I am taking this test. And I'm stressed, because like I said, I was, I grew up here, and I, as I, you know, have implied and other times, I was pretty good student when I was going to school. So, you know, I want to make people proud, even though my teachers have no idea I'm taking the test. But inside I want to feel like they did a good job. I did a good job, right? So I'm taking the test. And oh, it tells you when you get one wrong. So I hit something, I don't even remember what, oh, I know what it was. It was like "how many amendments are there to the Constitution?" And anyway, I got the answer wrong. I was close. I was close by a couple, but I still got it wrong. And I was like, "Oh," I was bummed about that. Because I knew, I knew generally what the number was, but I didn't get the exact number. And then, you know, there were other things like "who was the president during the First Word, World War," and I got that correct. Like, there were things where I felt really good about myself. And at the end, I did pass the test, which was fabulous. However, I did get one wrong, and that really bummed me out. But the thing that I thought as soon as that happened was, I should read more about this. It wasn't a stupid test, or oh, well, that's interesting. No, immediately, I knew I needed to learn more about this. If I am to be an American, I should understand what America is all about. If I am to be an American, I should know the history of America. I should understand its documents, I should be able to read cursive so that I can actually read the documents, right? I want to make sure that I am fully standing behind the things that I understand to be true and the things that I believe in. No one can teach me about me or what is important to me except me. And the only way for me to really feel solid in who I am and what is going on with me, is to investigate what actually means something to me. So a journal. I write down my feelings. I also investigate things. I look into things. If you tell me "this shot is good for you, that drug is good for you." Fine, give me the literature, I'm going to read it. I don't just take things because people tell me to, right? And I don't just sit back and decide "this food is good, or that food is good, because so and so told me. No. I want to try it, I want to taste it, I want to know what's in it, I want to know the quality of the food. Like, I want to understand it. And I encourage all of you to do this. When you've got a very strong belief in something, understand it all the way down to the why. Why don't you like legs on your chocolate? Know why. Number one, a lot of these bugs are like crickets. And I've got this real weird thing about the fact that their legs are backwards. Like, it really bothers me. It freaks me out. So that could be one reason why the thought of chocolate covered whatever doesn't really appeal to me, right? But it's important that we understand the why. So that we really, when we say we stand for something, we are doing it in a very direct, honest, and authentic way. If you can't find a nice person, be a nice person. And the way to be a nice person is to be authentically you. The way to be a nice person is to understand why you believe the way that you do, and to be humble in the moments when you recognize you don't understand. Allow people to tell you what they think and they feel without feeling badly about them, without judging them in a way that condemns them to feeling badly about themselves or to feel more disconnected from the topic that you were talking about. If you want to make a change in this world, be a nice person. Be a person who finds value in everyone. I am determined to increase self-awareness and help people to really value what it is that is special about who they are and what they can bring to the world. And with that in mind, I designed this fabulous program called Celebrate You to help you slow down and pay attention to what's going on in your life, so that you can find value at every turn, and to design a life that is more fulfilling. So do a little extra. Start Celebrating You by checking out Celebrate You on BetsDanko.Com and signing up today.

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