Wisdom & Chocolate with Bets Danko

Definitions - Not Labels

September 07, 2022 Bets Danko Season 2 Episode 75
Wisdom & Chocolate with Bets Danko
Definitions - Not Labels
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Wisdom and Chocolate is a common sense approach to Personal Development, Self Empowerment, and Happiness. Chocolate is like a dream you really feel passionate about… mention it and you can taste it!  It’s time to sprinkle chocolate on everything your heart desires.  The real transformation in life begins with Celebration….so grab your chocolate…It’s time to Celebrate You!


The Wisdom…Focus On Your Dreams

  • I wanna be a star
  • The honor of motherhood

The Chocolate…Define Your Future

  • Journaling about the next 5 years

The Celebration Moment…If You’re Not There, You Have Something To Do With It

  • Zombies and broken nails

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It's time to combine a guilty little pleasure with a new healthy habit. Kick up your feet and listen in. This is Wisdom. & Chocolate. My name is Bets Danko and you are listening to Wisdom & Chocolate. I am super excited to be here with you today to share with you a little bit of my wisdom, and also share with you a whole lot of chocolate. So let's get to it. Today's main topic is Definitions, Not Labels. I just want to take a moment to ask you to share this podcast with a friend give the gift of self celebration to the people who are closest to you in your life. Go ahead and take a moment and share this podcast. So the theme for this month is actually Letting Go. But I'm not quite ready to be letting go of the theme from last month so we're going to just spend a little bit more time today talking about transitions, so that we can talk a little bit more about letting go next week. And the reason why I chose transitions was because it is something that people have a tendency to struggle with. And it's funny to me sometimes how that struggle can really overpower everything that we're trying to do in life. One of the reasons why that's kind of funny to me is that we transition from things like, every single day, every moment of the day. And as you know, I talked about this frequently because we are so silly, we little humans, the way that we look at transitions and go, "Oh my gosh, I don't know if I can make it from point A to point B, or even point B to point F, like, I just don't even know how I can make it." Well, here's, here's the truth. It's all about the transitions. It's all about mastering the transitions. If you get right down to it, it's really all about not being afraid, having the faith to recognize that your dreams are exactly what you should be following. And if that means going through some transitions along the way, hallelujah. Because oh my goodness, if you're going through the transitions, that means your dreams are within reach. Now, if you don't even try to go through a transition, you don't even put yourself on the path to getting to where you want to go, well, then the dreams are never going to come to fruition. You may have them, and that's awesome. Dreams are cool. But wouldn't it be cooler if you actually achieved them? So when we when you master the transitions, when you get over the fear, when you allow yourself to actually do the things that it takes to get to your dreams. Laaa... Awesome, beautiful things happen. Awesome things. So today's wisdom moment is actually about focusing on your dreams. In fact, this is what it says, Focus On Your Dreams, so we're exactly on the right track for the wisdom moment for today. So focusing on your dreams...I'm going to tell you a little bit about my dreams when I was younger. I had a lot of dreams. And none of them included children, and somehow I ended up with four. And most of my dreams had to do with performing. Now I'm talking about my teenage years, you know, my early 20s, I thought you know, I'm going to be a dancer, I'm going to be on stage, you know. And when I was super young, like, you know, before I got to be a teenager, I wanted to be a star. And of course the older I got, the more I recognized that people who were stars, well, gosh, that just meant that they couldn't go anywhere or do anything without people being in their business. And I'm kind of a bit of an introvert, believe it or not. I have a tendency to really kind of sit in a corner and watch activities. I'm not one to really jump in and engage, which seems kind of funny, but I'm like on a podcast and doing all the things that I do. But me personally, and how I operate in the day to day, I sit back and I listen. That's me. So it makes sense to go, "oh, I want to be a star," and then go, "hmm, I don't know about that." People in my business all the time? People constantly wanting to know about me, and and questioning everything that I do? I don't think I want that. So that dream changed. Then it morphed into. I just want to be performing, you know, in the evenings or in the weekends after my job. And that was awesome. I did that. And that was super cool. And I thought, you know, I want to be married, I want to live in a little house, you know, there were all these different things. But I thought, oh my gosh, children. Okay, I want kids, I guess. But I don't know about that. And then of course, it was, "Oh, hey, you person working for our company, would you like to sort of train to become a producer in post production advertising?" And it was like, "Yeah, I want to do that." But that dream sort of went to the wayside because I did have a child and I did get married and suddenly, my priorities changed. The dreams that I had shifted. And the things that I thought that I wanted earlier in life got bigger. It wasn't that oh, now I really want to be on stage, it was more of a wow, that's a really cool dream, but to raise a child, oh, my goodness, not only is it a responsibility, but what an honor. What an absolute honor to help to shape the mind of a child. Because you know, when you are raising a child, it's not just about make sure that they're fed and taken care of, and that they're clean, you also need to talk to them a lot, a lot. Share with them your wisdom. Give them a huge amount of praise. Tell them you love them all the time. Make sure that they recognize you always have their back. And make sure that they know that in times when they're confused, you're going to listen and help them work through the challenges that they're having. This, this honor to be given to me at that time of my life, yes, it did kind of stop me in my tracks, and my dreams became something different, but they also became bigger, because I had these huge dreams of, of parenting the most gorgeous, amazing child ever to grace, planet Earth. And of course, because I was his mother, he was the most beautiful, gorgeous, amazing child ever to grace the Earth. This was my reality that I was living in, and I was living within my dream. Now the reason I'm telling you all of this is because I think it's really important that we recognize transitions can take a lot of different forms. And sometimes the transitions that are required in order to attain our goals can also morph into other things along the way, like me thinking, I want to be on stage, I want to be a singer, I want to be a performer, I want to be dancing to oh goodness on the road to that, I now suddenly have a child and that changes things. And that transition into motherhood was not a moment of going, "Oh, I'm just gonna give up on everything I ever wanted, " no, it was a transition into, "wow, this is something bigger than I ever thought I would get the honor of doing." So the transitions are not just moving from point A to point B, they're also opportunities for you to connect with your resilience, connect with your ability to shape shift, and be what is needed in the moment and find value in that. You see, I think that many people are afraid to go for their dreams because they're afraid that they're not going to attain them. And if they do attain them, maybe that's not what they really wanted. Or if they do attain them, maybe it's going to be more than they thought they wanted. And I can relate to this one too because you see, one of the reasons I have stage fright, which I've talked about in the past, is that I feel this immense pressure to get everything perfect. And when I do deliver something that people really relate to, and they feel awesome about, then they expect that every time I perform, and you know, maybe I was having a really great night, then the next time I go to perform, I'm not hitting it right on the mark. Like I have stress about this and so attaining the goal actually can create more stress because you feel the pressure of delivering time in and time out. Then, oh my goodness, the stress that I feel from something like that, it's real man. It's really real. So we're talking about focusing on our dreams and thus far I'm telling you all about dreams that didn't come to be. And so how do you focus on dreams that can change and shift? And how do you feel fulfillment from that sort of situation? Well, you embrace the transitions. Find the beauty in the things that you're doing in order to attain the goals. Get excited over the possibility of things shape shifting into something even more exciting. When you allow yourself to embrace the transitions, you're not only allowing yourself to move beyond your fear, but you're also giving yourself the opportunity to learn and grow from the experience. You don't know, you may think, oh, I want to be a dancer like I did and then you may actually excel in singing, which I did. So my earlier goals of becoming a dancer, okay awesome, I was a dancer, that's great, but I never became, you know, huge, big. Maybe on the West Coast, people knew who I was, but nowhere else. And it wasn't until I started singing that I really started reaching more people. And so my goals sort of changed and morphed by me going through transitions. I was on stage in a performance, I was a dancer, and I fell and I broke both my arms and a performance - true story. Totally true story. And I ended up taking voice lessons because of that. Because like I still want to perform, but I'm not going to be able to perform for a long time. And so I went and took some voice lessons and that was the beginning of a whole new way of approaching performing. So my goals just grew into something different. They morphed into something bigger. I wasn't just a dancer, I was a dancer, singer. Whoo. And then the singing started, you know, kind of moving way far beyond what I was capable of doing as a dancer, so again, my goals started shifting. And then I was realizing, you know what, the dancing is awesome. But wow, the singing. I feel like I'm flying. I want to do this all the time. And mastering that transition of going, Oh, my gosh, my arms are broken. I can't stay in this show. What am I going to do? I'm going to just go take a voice lesson. I just jumped right into it. I thought, "I'm going to do this." Why not? I can't dance for a good long time. Why not take up something new. And so when you are faced with the opportunity to go through a transition in order to reach your goals, do it. Fear not, my love. The fear does absolutely nothing for you. Fear does not open doors. Fear slams doors - right in your face as a matter of fact. And so when you allow the doors to open, you can go, "Oh, yeah, I'm feeling this. This is exciting, this is new, I'm just gonna jump right in." And then all of a sudden your horizon becomes wider and taller and brighter and more beautiful and inviting because possibilities are endless. Yes, focus on your dreams. Know what your dreams are. Know where you want to get to. Write out your dreams. Actually do a little journaling project where every day for a week, you write a different thing about one central dream. Like today, I'm going to focus on taking extra dance lessons in order to reach this particular goal. Tomorrow, I'll write down information about how I'm going to make more connections so that people know who I am and they invite me to perform. And then the next day, I'm going to write down... you know what I'm saying? Like, every single day in a week, just focus on the dream, a different angle a different side to it. How are you going to get there? What are you going to do? Focus on the dream, and then recognize where the transitions are? Well, if I'm going to be taking more classes, I need to make some phone calls... woohoo transition. I need to get in the car and go... woohoo transition. I need to give them my credit card in order to pay for the class...woohoo transition. See what I'm saying? Like the transitions can be teeny tiny. And they can also be, I need to get my butt to the center of the class and work my way to the front. Why? Because if my ultimate goal is to become a performer, I'm not just there to take part in the class, I'm there to shine. So I want to be confident enough to make my way to the front of the class so that other dancers are following me. And I'm slowing down and I'm really kind of accentuating this point because this was one of the fears that I have had in my life, this fear of being sio good that somebody puts me in front, and then everybody's watching and then I have to outperform everyone all the time. It's a transition. And it has to do with a dream. You've got to focus on your dreams and master the transitions. I started dancing in the front of the class every single time I went until I felt comfortable enough to own the space. Focus on your dreams, write out little journaling projects every day, different sides to the dreams that you're looking at. Figure out where the transitions are and how you're going to master them and just do it. Stop the thought processes at that point, and just go and do it. Focus on your dreams. So this week, I'm going to move right into the chocolate moment. I'm not going to stop for any ads or any kind of thing, because you know what, this is my 75th episode, season 2 - 75 episodes and so we're just gonna go right through this and not stop for anything, because the next thing we're talking about is the chocolate moment. Mmmm. And I'm not going to be introducing any particular kind of chocolate today. I'm just going to mention the word here I go. Chocolate. And what happens to you when you hear that word? Do you suddenly have cravings? Is your mouth watering? Are you feeling like, " ooh, yeah, I'm gonna go for my mocha and lunch and I'm gonna grab me some dark chocolate. Whatever they have at Starbucks. I'm getting it." Like, where does your mind go when you hear, 'chocolate?' Does it inspire happy thoughts? Does it inspire yummy thoughts? Does it inspire you to just feel Ooh, yeah, I can face the day. Like, what happens to you when you think about chocolate? And what transitions are you striving to accomplish and master when when hearing the word chocolate? Is your transition to get in your car and head to the Starbucks to get your coffee and your chocolate? Is it the transition of heading to DeWalts to get their wide array of healthy chocolates? Maybe it's Fresh Thyme. Maybe it's Whole Foods. Maybe you're gonna go to Walmart, you may not even realize there are a lot of healthy chocolates at Walmart. What is the transition you're thinking of mastering right now just from hearing the word, chocolate? I'm giving a little pause so you can think. You done thinkin'? I'm sure that you are because it doesn't take a lot to know exactly what you want to do when hearing the word, chocolate. Well, it shouldn't take a lot to know exactly what you want to do when you're thinking about your dreams and defining your future. Now I was just talking about a lot of of dreams that I had that ended up morphing into other things, things that I accomplished that then moved into whole other arenas - and then going for dreams that would suddenly become something completely different or be kind of pushed out of the way because something far more important was coming. And this is important that we recognize sometimes these things will happen with our dreams. But it's also important that when you know what you want, and you're defining your future, like you look at the the you from five years from now and you're picturing what kind of chocolate you have in your hand, and what goal you're going for, and what transitions you're going for it's important that you see those things clearly. Because even as things morph, sometimes that morphing just makes the dreams and the goals even stronger. So what do I mean by that? Yes, I was a dancer. Yes, I became a singer. Yes, I got to perform on many different stages in front of 1000s of people. It's like it has been a wonderful ride. Would I like to perform more? Yes. But honestly, my desire for bigger stages is waning. I've morphed into something different. But the performing is still something that is on my mind. Thus, I have a podcast. Now I'm just talking, I'm not performing for you but all of the training that I've had, and all the time that I've had on stage definitely has helped to prepare me for just getting on here and talking. And that's all I do. Like I don't have a script y'all. I just have bullet points and I just talk right off the cuff. And if I didn't have all the performance experience, this would be a whole heck of a lot harder. It really would. You know I can sit there and talk to myself all day long but my goodness, having had audiences in front of me, either clapping or not clapping, smiling or not smiling, really set me up for where I am right now. And all of the teaching that I do, my experiences have enabled me to teach in a more fulfilling way, not just for myself, but for the people that I am teaching. I recognize a little bit of theatrics goes a long way. So my dreams and my goals were reached, and then expanded, and I took little detours, I went with the transitions and allowed things to morph, nd now I'm in a whole other arena using the exact same skills that were required to do what I was doing before. Do you remember the little song I sang last week? 'Cause I think a couple of you might have just been going, "wait a minute. She's she's not really singing for us right now," but no, I did sing a little ditty last week. So if you didn't listen to last week's podcast, Episode 74, season two, then you know, you need to go listen to the diddy because it's super fun. But I have embraced the goals that I've had, I have looked at my future, I have said to myself, I'm going to reach these goals, I have reached them, and then set more goals. And I am continually reaching and striving for those goals. But the biggest transition that I had was in 2020. That's when everything kind of, quote unquote, fell apart. Everything in my world that was stable, sort of got a little rocky. Because, you know, when you're told you're non essential, it kind of changes the way you look at the world. You know what I'm saying. But what did that lasts like five minutes, right, because immediately I'm taking online courses, I'm looking at new goals, I'm thinking of a different sort of future, I'm planning ahead, I'm giving myself some space to learn...and then voila, here I am, on this podcast. I've got social media going like crazy on three different platforms. I've got all sorts of courses and different things. I've got retreats that stopped for a while, and then came back stronger and more vibrant than before. Like life. Yeah, there was there were transitions and things were a little bit crazy but things got a whole heck of a lot more exciting because I wrote the transitions and I made it through. Defining my future became sort of a weekly task. Looking at where I'm headed and what I'm doing became something exciting that I was constantly looking forward to. So when I created my planner, and I had all these little spaces on the page where I can plan ahead and whatever, I was defining my future. In defining my future, I had a path that I could follow. I could focus on my dreams. I could master my transitions and I could define my future even more. I challenge you right now in this space to look at your life, two months from now, a year from now, five years from now, and write down where are you going to be? Whatchu gonna do? And work, the dreams and the goals in the future in there. Two months from now are you gonna have a new job? You can be in a new home. You can have a new cat. Are you going to buy a new pair of tennis shoes? Like what's happening two months from now? What's happening in a year? Are you gonna be off in the Caribbean? Are you going to become an influencer showing off your makeup skills? Like what is what is happening for you in a year from now? Five years from now? And then literally write down some of the major transitions that are required. Well, if you know nothing about putting on makeup and you want to become an influencer, you might want to take a class. Just saying. You might want to purchase some makeup. You might want to get some really great brushes and try different brands. You might want to get some sort of return on your investment by going to an Ulta or, or some of the stores that allow you to kind of sign up and you get perks for doing that. Maybe you find some smaller companies and you start networking with them so that you can affiliate and you start showing their stuff and they start showing your stuff online and on their websites and all of that kind of thing. These are all different transitions that would be necessary to become an influencer. So think about it. This whole episode today is all about think about it, write it down. This is your journaling prompt for today. Focus on your dreams, define your future. Looking for a way to help support BetsDanko.Com and Wisdom & Chocolate, head down to the bottom of the podcast description, click on Buy Me A Coffee, that will take you to the website, Buy Me A Coffee. where you can make a donation to help support everything that we do here. And of course, we dedicate everything we do to celebrating you. So thank you for helping us do exactly that. You can follow a new path, you can feel empowered by your choices, and you can celebrate you every single week. Join me in an unforgettable journey of self empowerment with an uplifting soul quenching program created just for you. It's here. So head over to BetsDanko.Com and sign up for Celebrate You the monthly membership that literally celebrates you. Before we continue, I just want to make a little request. Please take a moment to rate this podcast and maybe even leave me a little review. Make sure that the people around you know why you're enjoying Wisdom & Chocolate. So there's one thing we haven't talked about and that is sometimes you are on your path and you're going for your dreams and you've got everything written out. Like you're like yo Bets I've like done everything you said. I've journaled about everything. I know what my transitions are. I'm just going for stuff even if I'm terrified, like I am just owning this. But then, you know, out of left field, some crazy thing starts happening. It's like, you know, you're kind of on or in the movie Zombie Land and like all of a sudden, from nowhere comes this zombie and you're like, whaaa! And everything that you were hoping for and dreaming foris just like, stopped dead in its tracks and you're like, "I can't even continue." Well, you can sit back and you go, I have nothing to do with that zombie. What the heck? Where did it come from? And why is it stopping me from having so much fun, right? I'm cgoing from my dreams, and everything has come to just a dead end. What the heck? And you may be sitting there pointing the finger, "Darn you zombie like you use zombie. You're the one who started this." But let me tell you, my love. If you are there, you have something to do with it. We can sit back and we can blame all sorts of situations like oh, I broke my nail, uh I twisted my ankle, uh zombie came out of left field... like, there could be so many things that make you kind of go, "uh, it's everything but me. Every other person is stopping me. All the other situations are stopping me." Well, why are you there? Seriously? Why were you there to begin with? Were you around the thing that made you break your nail because you were, I don't know, maybe you were at the grocery store when it happened. You went to pick up a package of meat and your nail broke on the display. I don't know. Maybe, you know, you saw the sign that said, "Don't go here! Zombies everywhere." And you're like, "Yeah, but this is a shortcut and I just want to get home." And the next thing you know, there's the zombie. You had something to do with it. You made a choice. You put your hand in the meat display. You drove your car through the zombie land. You had a choice. You were there - you had something to do with it. It's important that you own your part in the stuff that stops you from getting where you want to go. And why is this important? Because you know that you are a control freak. And if you're not a control freak yet, because you haven't been listening to my podcast, then I suggest you own your freakishness, like right now. Like 10 minutes ago, seriously. You are in control of your own life. Every decision that you make has an impact on what is happening in your life. And if you're owning your transitions and you're going for your goals and all the sudden needs all the sudden a zombie comes out of left field and is like, "Yoooo," you know, trying to stop you, you're still in control. Yes, you made the decision to drive through zombie land, but you are still in control of the situation. You can stop and go, "I'm gonna take the long way around." Or if you're confronted with the zombie, you can go, "yo not today," and zoom away. You have the ability to make choices to keep yourself on the path. Don't blame everybody else. Instead, take responsibility for your part in the situation so that you still are in control. Whenever you start blaming other people, you're giving them control. That's not how a control freak behaves. If you're in control, you're in control all the time, baby. So if you are making excuses because something got in your way, you gotta own the fact that you were there. You had a part in it. If you're there you have something to do with it. Do that so that you recognize you're still in control, and you can move forward with bold decisions. Focus on your dreams. Master the transitions. Get over the fear and define your future. But allow yourself to see the future as a book that is continually being written. Allow yourself to recognize that sometimes zombie dude will come out of nowhere and you might need to take a different turn but that doesn't change the future that you wish to see. If you're there you have something to do with it. Be that control freak that you know that you are. Focus on your dreams, baby. And remember, if you're there, you have something to do with it. Reach out and share chocolate with a friend. I encourage you to share this podcast with a friend. Make sure that you're sharing with them all of the love and peace and grace that you get from this podcast every single week. Check out everything that BetsDanko.Com has to offer at BetsDanko.Com If you're on social media, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, you can follow me and BetsDanko.Com and keep up to date on all the little bits of Wisdom & Chocolate that I post Monday through Friday. Subscribe to this podcast and start enjoying your weekly dose of celebrating you with BetsDanko. And while you're at it, if you're enjoying Wisdom & Chocolate please take a moment and share with a friend. Go ahead. tag a friend today with Wisdom & Chocolate and get them started on a path of self celebration. Experience the wisdom that helps to motivate and empower you in relationships, business, family and most importantly, self celebration, getting the picture. It's wisdom and it's all about you want to hear the chocolate tune into Wisdom and Chocolate Weekly.

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