Wisdom & Chocolate with Bets Danko

Whatchu Want

August 24, 2022 Bets Danko Season 2 Episode 73
Wisdom & Chocolate with Bets Danko
Whatchu Want
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Wisdom and Chocolate is a common sense approach to Personal Development, Self Empowerment,  and Happiness. This week we keep it simple again with homemade fudge and what that has to do with following your desires and being authentically YOU! The real transformation in life begins with Celebration….so grab your chocolate…It’s time to Celebrate You!


Highlights:

The Wisdom…Mind your Thoughts

  • The new office
  • Creating a flow and owning your zen


The Chocolate…Be Clear About Your Desires

  • Homemade Fudge
  • Be loving and supportive 
  • The Art Project


The Celebration Moment…Break From The Crowd & Dance Your Own Path

  • Really hear your thoughts
  • That Ecstatic Dance experience


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It's time to combine a guilty little pleasure with a new healthy habit. Kick up your feet and listen in. This is Wisdom. & Chocolate. My name is bets Danko and you are listening to Wisdom & Chocolate. I am excited to be here today, speaking to you with a little bit of wisdom and following that up with a whole lot of chocolate. So let me tell you, the main topic for today is Whatchu Want. Not like a question...but a statement. I just want to take a moment to ask you to share this podcast with a friend. Give the gift of self celebration to the people who are closest to you in your life. Go ahead and take a moment and share this podcast. Of course, the whole month of August is about transitions. So since this is being recorded in August, we're talking about transitions. And why did we choose that theme for this particular month? Well, because this is the time of year in the United States, when things start kind of shifting back to the regular every day. It's not really time to go to the beach, or to have barbecues - or maybe we are still doing that - but we're winding it down because the children are going back to school. And the fall activities are coming. So of course, in the yearly calendar, August, especially at the end of August, is a transitional month. So the thing is that transitions can happen all the time. They're happening every single day and every moment of the day. Every time you have a new thought...every time you swallow...every time you take a different step...every time you put your pen to paper you are in the middle of, after, or before a transition. I mean, they happen all the time. Yet we have a tendency to be fearful of transitions. Now we're normally looking at them as big transitions. Like moving from one job to another, one relationship to another, one car to another, you know, we're normally looking at the big transitions and feeling overwhelmed by those and kind of freaked out about the fact that they're coming or what what are we going to do about them. But they're still transitions. So we need to kind of put things in perspective. If you can handle the little transitions because you've done them every day of your life. So, you know, you're kind of used to them. Then you can figure out how to handle the big transitions. You're thinking them through, coming up with some new patterns that you would be following. It is possible to really overcome the fear of major transitions. And it does come down to whatchu want. What do you want? If you want the thing that you're transitioning to, then awesome, you've got this. Think it through. Plan it out. Know what you're doing. Don't plan too much. You don't want to overthink, but know what it is that you're doing. And if it's something that you don't want to do, because you know what you want, and it's not that, well then decide not to go through that transition. It really is that simple. Now, some transitions have nothing to do with life experience or things that you're going to be moving from and to, but they still can be a little concerning. And one of those transitions is something that we're dealing with here in this house right now. We've lived in our home for about 11 years. And in those 11 years, we knew that one of our offices was actually going to be in the basement and the basement in an Eastern home is kind of, you know, something that exists in every single house. And a lot of people have unfinished basements. But we have been little by little finishing the basement in our home. And well we've been finishing the basement. It's like, you know, this kind of ceiling becomes available, this kind of wall becomes available, this kind of flooring becomes available. And what I mean by "becomes available" is, you know, paying full price is just ridiculous most of the time so you find when somebody has something on Craigslist or on the Amazon marketplace, you find good deals and you purchase when those good deals come up. But what happens when you do things like that over an 11 year period, is that you're kind of creating sort of a patchwork of completeness inside of your home in this basement area. Although super, super awesome and filled with a lot of fun things it's a patchwork. There's one color here, one color there, There's one kind of flooring in the closet. There's no flooring outside the closet, you know, it's it's very much a patchwork. But when you are decorating a home or even designing a home, the transitions from one room to the next are actually pretty important. Having sort of a flow of energy from one place to the other kind of gives you like this Zen feeling and happy feeling. And it also gives you a feeling of completeness. So when you're in the actual home, not the basement, we have a flow, there are greens, and reds and golds and flow going from one room to the next. And there's definitely a design element. Now, it's a living thing. So we keep adding on to it and changing it as we go. But there is a flow. So now we're working on that one office in the basement, and it's going to be absolutely awesome building it ourselves. Because you know, saving money is a big thing. But also, if you can do it, why not do it yourself, right? And so we're thinking about the transitions from upstairs, into the hallway, down the stairs, into the main basement, into the office area, how are things going to feel? What what are the paint colors going to be? What are the walls going to be made of? What are the railings going to be? Are there going to be railings on the stairs? Like there are all these design elements that are important, because it sets you up for your comfort level as you're moving from one part of the home to the next. And because we work, and we live, and we school, sometimes from this home, it's important that we have a Zen feeling... a comfortable feeling. So moving from patchwork into something that feels more complete, requires a lot of sensing, feeling, thinking, adjusting. Identifying the things that don't work, I think back to Sesame Street, "one of these things are not like the other," I don't even know if that's the correct way to sing that song, but I remember that from Sesame Street, oh, so many years ago. So you sit there and you identify what doesn't work, what doesn't match, what doesn't fit. And you start changing those elements until you feel the flow... until you feel the Zen. And this is very much the same in how you look at your thoughts...how you look at the way your life is going, the choices that you're making. One of these things may not be like the other. And maybe that's awesome, because it's kind of spicing up your life. But maybe that's partly why you feel a little out of balance. Maybe that is messing with your zen. So kind of stand in the space and figure it out. What isn't like the other things? What isn't giving you the same warm, fuzzy, yummy feelings? That might be the thing that needs to be changed. Maybe you don't pitch it. Maybe you just change the color of it or you you go with a stone instead of a wood. Maybe you know, change all the rest of the stuff and stick with the thing that's out of the ordinary...whatever is going to maintain your zen and help you to feel good in the flow of the moment and the flow of your life. That's probably the thing that you're going to want to stick with. And you need to mind your thoughts while you're doing this. Like, don't speak harshly to yourself. If there's something that doesn't fit, allow yourself that thought process. "Wow, this doesn't feel good. This doesn't fit. I'm owning it. Hmm, how do I take care of it?" Don't beat yourself up about the fact that something doesn't feel comfortable. So another little example that I probably have mentioned before. We had a very nice, very small house. Well, it wasn't really nice when we first bought it. It was kind of crazy messed up when we first bought it. But it was this tiny house like 900 square feet in the middle of Los Angeles... in this tiny little town in the middle of Los Angeles. And it was not in such great condition when we first got it, but it ended up being a really lovely home. We were super happy there. And we decided to add on to it. Now I could go on and on about the all the mistakes that we made and adding onto this house, but I'm not gonna go there. I'm just gonna tell you this one little element and that is that we added on to it. It became like the 7500 square foot house. It was like this huge, huge house. It wasn't really that big, but it was super, super, super huge. And we were living out in the backyard while it was being rebuilt. And when we moved back in the house was so big that I literally couldn't sleep. I didn't feel safe. I couldn't hear my children. Their rooms were just so separated. Like I didn't feel comfortable in this house and it took a really long time for me to feel okay being in such a huge space. And the thing is, I could totally beat myself up over this whole thought process because we were a family of six and a 900 square foot house. So it was small. Thankfully, we absolutely adored one another, so it worked out just fine being in a small space. But we added on because we knew that the children would get bigger and having four kids in one bedroom, boys and girls growing up into teens, well, that was going to be a little messy. So we added on to this house. But you know, I wasn't comfortable in it. It was too big. It was so big that we lost the coziness. We lost the Zen. And there was no way I was going to complain about it. Oh my gosh, to be fortunate enough to build onto our house..that was such a blessing, such a gift. But the truth of the matter was, I felt more comfortable living in a trailer in the backyard than being in that huge house and I didn't want to beat myself up over these thought processes but I did need to acknowledge there was a coziness that was missing. So as we were filling the house, I really had to focus on creating cozy. There was nothing to take away and get rid of because the house was pretty much empty when we moved into it. We didn't have enough stuff to fill it. But I could put new things in it. And as long as I was creating cozy, as long as I knew what I wanted, as long as I was minding my thoughts and not beating mysel f up for having a difficult time moving into something so big, man, it turned into this Zen situation time and time again, it was creating more and more Zen. It was super awe some. You got to know whatchu want. You got to know whatchu want. You got to act on it. You know, it would be great if you could know whatchu want before you add on to your house so that you don't have to just gather more stuff... so that you can make it cozy. You know, that would be super awesome thing. But if you find yourself in a situation where maybe you feel like, " wow, I should be really, really grateful for this", but you're still not comfortable. Don't don't speak poor words to yourself. Don't say horrible things to you. Mind your thoughts. Remind yourself just how special it is that you have this thing. And then figure out how to make it easier on yourself. Figure out how to make things cozy. Bring in the Zen. Mind your thoughts and bring in the Zen because that is where your happiness is going to begin. Are you enjoying Wisdom & Chocolate? Then I encourage you to share this podcast with a friend. Make sure that you're sharing with them all of the love and peace and grace that you get from this podcast every single week. Reach out and share chocolate with a friend. There is no need to wait until the beginning of the year or the beginning of the summer to start a new fitness routine. I've got the best place for you to start a fitness routine right now and that's Jackie Hooper yoga. This is what you do. You head over to her website. You use the promo code, FreeTrial, and you can try one class for free from your own home. It is absolutely amazing. And if you've never done yoga before, let me tell you, it's not just a fitness program for your body. It's a fitness program for the inside as well. It helps you to lower your stress and helps you to feel better and more positively about your day. So head over to the website and the link is down below in the notes. It's app.arketa.co/jackiehooperyoga. Choose your class. Use the promo code, FreeTrial. And then see how awesome it can be to take a yoga class from home with an awesome instructor who is sure to get you loving yoga in no time. There is one simple equation that holds the secret to an empowered life. It's called the I AM Equation, a powerful online course at BetsDanko.Com dedicated to creating real transformative change through self celebration. Celebrate, Motivate, and Empower. It's that simple. The solution to the equation is personal transformation. The I Am Equation at BetsDanko.Com. Plug your life into the equation at BetsDanko.Com. So for my chocolate moment today I thought, "you know this week, actually this month, I'm trying to kind of stick with things that are little more simple." Yes, I can just keep devouring chocolate and sharing with you all the chocolate that is new and exciting, but let's bring things back to a little bit of simplicity. Let's talk about things that are things that we could create at home. You know, have you ever had just this crazy desire for something chocolate and there is no chocolate in the house except cocoa powder, or cacao? Have you ever been stuck with a situation like this because we have here. We do have a pantry. We try to keep it stocked. But you know, when stuff like that shows up in there, it's gone pretty darn fast. Almost everybody in the house loves chocolate. I'm the Now I have to admit, fudge is not one of my favorite things - It would be cool if it was on those days when I was craving only dark chocolate lover because it's healthier for me, I chocolate - because it's just a little too rich for me... a little too much sugar. But if you are a cook, or you're into go that way, but so that makes it so that a lot of times my trying new things and figuring things out, you can find a way chocolate doesn't go way too fast. But all the other to make fudge to fit your liking. It's important to be clear about your desires in any situation, but especially when chocolate does. So what do you do in situations like that when you are creating something chocolate. So when you're creating your fudge, and it's a little too rich, lower the sugar all you haveis this powder? Well, you can make fudge, and content. If you lower the sugar content, it might change the that's the chocolate for today. consistency. So figure out... do you add a little bit more milk? Now there was this story that I was thinking of recently, and I Do you cut back on the milk? Now as you probably have figured out, I have to kind of stay away from high concentrations of don't know why. My oldest son was just my pride and joy milk. So I'm gonna go for goat milk. That might change the consistency of the fudge. Try it. Play with it. Have a good totally changed my life. I was dedicated to becoming a producer time with it. Figure it out. And if it just comes out as chocolate liquid... awesome...you've made a drink! in post production advertising. I was writing copy for spots and Have a good time with it. Be clear about what your desires are, because that's where it's going to start. And if your things like that. I already knew the money side of things. desire is truly just to have something that's sweet and chocolatey, well then if its consistency turns into mud... if But then I'm getting married...and then I'm having a it tastes the way you wanted it to that's all that matters. Live baby... and life changed. And of course, when this little bundle for the victories in life. And if your victory has been won, because you have chocolate in your hands, then celebrate that ended up in my arms, I knew that there was no way that I was you gotta be loving and supporting a view and of your creativity for sure. going to leave this little baby. At first there was sort of a transition where I needed to be moving out of my position in the company I was at into motherhood. So I actually brought some work home with me while they were in the office trying to figure out who was going to be doing all of the work that I was leaving behind. But I ended up with this awesome position as a mother. And it was quite unexpected. It was something totally out of my wheelhouse. I had no idea how to handle a baby - take care of a baby. I didn't know how to change a diaper. I didn't know how to put on clothes for a baby. I had no idea what I was getting into at all. No matter how much I read, I still did not understand. No matter how many people I spoke to, I still didn't understand. All I knew was that baby was mine. And he was going to stay in my arms. I was going to take care of him and love him and care for him. I was going to love him just completely. 100%. And I worked very hard at understanding children so that I could love him in the way that he needed to be loved and understood. But you know where this is going. Because there's absolutely no way for new parent to be perfect at what they do no way whatsoever. Of course, imperfection is actually perfection when you're looking at it closely enough, right? But when you're kind of striving for this unattainable level of perfection, well, then you're going to make mistakes. And of course I did. And there was one mistake that I remember that still bothers me to this day. And I think it has a lot to do with how one of my friends at the time spoke to me when I told her what I had just done. But again, like I think I would have been much more understanding of myself. But this person said a thing to me. Anyway, so my son who was around two, he was drawing and while he was drawing he was creating something that was supposed to go up on a window. So he's doing it in a way a two year old would do it. Now I'm trying to, "help him." But in helping him, I was correcting him. And that's not how you help a child to learn when they are doing creative things. When they are doing creative things, it's important to support the creative process, and explain to them how beautiful the thing is that they created. And maybe at a later time, you create something together using a different technique that they may or may not latch on to and use on their own. So here I was correcting my son as he was creating something. And of course, he dropped his crayon and he walked away. He was done. He didn't want to hear what he wasn't doing, right. Yes, he was two years old. And what does a two year old think, right? How does he know what it was going on? And I wasn't rude. I'm trying to... I have so many videos of that time period... I was a very loving mother. I said really loving wonderful things to him even while I was correcting him, but he still felt corrected. And so he dropped his crayon, and he walked away. He didn't want to have anything to do with that craft any longer. And of course, I'm saying, Oh, I think I just did something wrong. I'm saying this to my friend. "I just did this thing." And she goes, "Yeah, I wouldn't want to continue it if you did that, to me. All you did was correct him." And oh man did that stick with me. It really stuck with me. And I think about that to this day. It's not that I was thinking, "Oh, I just did this horrible thing. I'm a horrible mother." No, what I think of to this day, is the fact that supporting people actually helps them to feel better about themselves. And it helps them to want to create and move forward in more productive ways. This is a super important thing to know when you're dealing with anyone, not just children. It's just that children are really awesome at just really, in a raw sort of way, expressing to you what it is that you've done wrong. And that's what he did. All he did was drop his crayon but he never came back to finish that project. I learned very quickly, to give him the space to be the little man that he was. I knew what my desires were and I was clear about my desires. But part of my desire was to be supportive and be the best mother that I could be. I learned in that moment, a different way to get there. And that was by giving him space. You've got to be clear about your desires so that you understand how to move forward. And if you make a misstep, maybe pause so that you can learn from it. But don't talk to yourself in a bad way. I paused so I could learn from that because this woman spoke to me in a way that I would never speak to myself. But I did learn from it. It's important that we do that, that we mind our thoughts, that we understand what it is that we want so that we can really perform in a way that reflects that. That gives us exactly the outcome that we are hoping for, or gives us an outcome that somehow teaches us even more, You've got to be clear about your desires and know what you want. You gotta know what you want, so that you can be clear enough to act on the things that mean the most to you and create the environment that supports the desires that you have. Looking for a way to help support BetsDanko.Com and Wisdom & Chocolate? Head down to the bottom of the podcast description. Click on Buy Me A Coffee. That will take you to the website, Buy Me A Coffee where you can make a donation to help support everything that we do here. And of course, we dedicate everything we do to celebrating you. So thank you for helping us do exactly that. You can follow a new path, you can feel empowered by your choices, and you can celebrate you every single week. Join me in an unforgettable journey of self empowerment with an uplifting soul quenching program created just for you. It's here. So head over to BetsDanko.Com and sign up for Celebrate You, the monthly membership that literally celebrates you. It is time for the celebration moment. In the celebration moment we're talking about breaking from the crowd. Break from the crowd and dance your own path. So I have a story to go with this and and I sort of introduced it in the last podcast but I'm going to expand on this a little bit more. And that has to do with the ecstatic dance experience that I had at the retreat that I went to in New York. This part ticular experience was really profound for me not just because I allowed myself to dance and I didn't care how I looked in front of people, but also because there was this whole thing going on inside of me, inside of my life over this last couple years. But really, when you think back over my whole life, where there were certain things that I didn't want people to see about me and other things that I was like, "Why isn't anyone paying attention." And, of course, we all have things we don't want people to know about us. Maybe they're embarrassing things, maybe they're things that you just feel like people aren't going to understand. So we'll just keep that quiet. But everybody has something that they don't necessarily want to share in a crowd. And so I of course, have some of those things going on in my life but I'm talking about not wanting people to see something as simple as me dancing. I literally, over these last few years, I've gotten to this point where I haven't wanted people to see things that I feel very passionately about. I have been embarrassed to share with people, those parts of me. And as a consequence of that, I found out during the retreat, that I had been locking up passion inside of me, and therefore stifling myself because it's not that I just don't go dancing, like with a bunch of people. I don't dance in my own home most of the time. I do short demonstrations, when I'm choreographing things and then have other people do the dancing. Like I have wanted to sort of stand back and not take part in that. And meanwhile, it's something that brings up this bubbling passion inside of me. It helps me to feel more connected to my body, more connected to Earth and more connected to the light inside of me. It is that profound for me. It's almost the same as singing but not quite. Singing for me, when I'm really getting the opportunity to soar, I feel like I'm flying. Dancing, I feel like I'm floating. And there at the same time, I'm connected on a very muscular level, to the the very heart of who I am. And so to not want to be seen in that, that's, you know, that's something that I needed to work on and I didn't even realize it until I went to that ecstatic dance. And here I have other things in my life where I wish for people to see and hear. I'm always trying to find new ways to reach more people and help them to understand that their thoughts and their patterns have value, that how they feel about themselves really does set them up for success, or for challenges later on. I have a burning desire to help people help themselves and this is something that I do wish for people to see and to experience, but if I'm keeping some of my passion out of that message, then I'm not getting the full benefit of teaching the message that I have for other people. So this is something that I wanted to express to you today that no matter how much you have learned in your life, there is still room for growth, there is still room to understand you. No matter how far you get into your career or your relationship there's always room for growth. There's always room to learn something new about you. You've really got to think and hear your thoughts. You really need to identify the thoughts which are authentically you and act on those. And in those moments when you're in a craft tent at a retreat, and you hear music and you're drawn to the music, then go to the music. There's something you need to learn if you're being driven to do something that's out of the ordinary, figure out why. Look at the flow. Where's the Zen? Is the flow really working for you? Is there something that's missing? Is there a passion that's not locked into what it is that you're trying to do? Mind your thoughts? Really listen, I want to be seen, I don't want to be seen. What is it? Do you want to be seen or not? And clearly define the things that you want to take part in and then own that, because I had been owning that for a good long time but it's now time for things to change. So I'm not sitting back and thinking, "Oh, you silly Bets, how stupid you are that you did this before." No, this is just who I was and how I was dealing with some of the inadequacies that I felt that I had. And so now I'm owning it all man and dancing is definitely part of my life moving forward. What is going to be part of your life moving forward? Do you know what you want? Do you know how to get to your desires? Are you clear in that? Break from the crowd and dance your own path. If you're doing things the way other people are telling you, you should do things, if you are feeling inadequate because of what society tells you a person of your age should not be doing these things, like if there is something in your life, some sort of pattern that somebody else has placed before you that is not serving you...Gone! Transition. This is time for a transition. Break from the crowd and dance your own path because I guarantee you it's going to be way more beautiful than any path that somebody else has told you to be on. Make your fudge... homemade fudge. Figure it out. Change everything, Tweak it, Make it into something yummy that only you can understand and I guarantee you will be so happy. You'll be smiling from ear to ear no matter what the consistency is. Mind your thoughts, my love. Be clear about your desires. Know what you want and take advantage of the transitions. Don't fear them. Hold on to them and absorb everything that they have to teach you. If you'd like me to wrap a little wisdom around your favorite chocolate, reach out and let me know just write a little comment. Let me know what your chocolate is and where you're writing from and I will find a way to weave it into one of my podcasts. And I'll even give you a shout out so people know that it came specially from you. Check out everything that BetsDanko.Com has to offer at BetsDanko.Com. If you're on social media, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, you can follow me and BetsDanko.Com and keep up to date on all the little bits of Wisdom & Chocolate that I post Monday through Friday. Subscribe to this podcast and start enjoying your weekly dose of celebrating you with Bets Danko. And while you're at it, if you're enjoying Wisdom & Chocolate please take a moment and share with a friend. Go ahead, tag a friend today with Wisdom & Chocolate and get them started on a path of self celebration. Experience the wisdom that helps to motivate and empower you in relationships, business, family and most importantly, self celebration, getting the picture. It's wisdom and it's all about you want to hear the chocolate tune into Wisdom & Chocolate weekly

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